Exodus
by cchickki
Summary: Shepard awakens to find the galaxy very different than how she left it. A mysterious man has taken over and is ruling the population with an iron fist. Nothing and no one seems safe anymore, especially Commander Shepard. -Takes place after the events of ME3 (Destroy ending), femshep, shenko, AU
1. The Waking

_"I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow._

_I feel my fate in what I cannot fear._

_I learn by going where I have to go._

_We think by feeling. What is there to know?_

_I hear my being dance from ear to ear._

_I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow."_

_-Theodore Roethke (The Waking)_

* * *

Kaidan Alenko grasped the plaque firmly as he gazed at the memorial wall.

Trying to read all the names listed made him feel dizzy. He couldn't focus on the world around him or the presence of his friends and crew surrounding him. An invisible weight had perched itself on his shoulders and threatened to force him down whenever he'd decide to try to dig himself out of the feeling of loss and return to the light.

It almost felt like Alchera all over again. Almost.

He looked down at the plaque. COMMANDER SHEPARD stared back at him coldly. The Alliance soldier couldn't bring himself to place her name on the memorial to join the others. Something just didn't seem right.

"Kaidan…" An anguished voice piped up behind him.

He turned to meet Liara's big blue and sorrow-filled eyes. She gently placed her hand on the plaque, gesturing him to place it on the memorial wall, over David Anderson's name. She gave him a terribly sad smile. Her bottom lip trembled as she tried to hold it.

Kaidan breathed a heavy sigh and turned back to the memorial. He looked back down on the plaque again. His fingers traced along her name, feeling his stomach and head spin with nostalgia and the emptiness of Shephard not being here with him. But the realization that something didn't seem right came rushing back to him.

He gripped the plaque tightly again, and then did something he didn't think he would do at the death of his commanding officer and lover. He smiled.

He turned back to face his crew, whom returned his gaze with worried expressions.

"I can't put this on the wall." He stated.

"I know it's hard..." Garrus began, slowly.

"But we need to honor everyone we've lost." Cortez finished.

Liara walked up to him and placed a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. She studied him, struggling to find the right words to say.

"If this is too hard, than someone else can place her name on the memorial. I know everyone copes with loss and grieves differe-" She started.

"That's not what I mean." Kaidan looked down at the plaque and smiled once again. He kept his eyes on her name this time, feeling Liara's anxious gaze on him.

"Shepard isn't dead."

* * *

A sickening ringing swam around her thoughts, her ears, her head, and her entire body. She couldn't escape the insufferable sound. With all her will and might she couldn't bring her limbs or body to move so she could run from it. Run far, far away so she'd never have to hear its low and horrible hum again.

She tried to turn her head, but her neck wouldn't twist. Her eyelids wouldn't open. All she could see was darkness.

_Am I alive?_

She tried to think over the continuous ringing, but the sound was deafening. She felt smothered, cold, and pained. Her memories felt that this was familiar, as if this was déjà vu. The ringing was slowing her down her thought process, keeping her from figuring it out. She wanted to scream in frustration. She wanted to cry because of the annoyance. She wanted to hide from the unknown.

_The Lazarus Project. That's what this feels like._

Panic and realization came over her. Was she dead? Dying? Incapacitated? Dread filled her as the possibility of remaining like this for eternity. Perhaps she was in a coma and there was still hope. She fought to wake herself up, but it failed.

_I must be in Hell. I deserve it… after what I've done…_

She tried to relax herself and give in, let fate do whatever it wants with her, but the ringing made it impossible for her to calm down. She struggled to move her body again and again. She squinted her eyes, trying to see if there was anything other than darkness, but nothing worked. Her eyes remained unseeing. All she could do was feel pain. She forced herself to concentrate on something other than the ringing, anything to take her mind off the grim reality that was set before her.

Vital signs! She needed to focus on her vital signs! A heartbeat, breathing, the stomach gurgling, anything!

Although she knew she deserved her fate, she still couldn't help but wish she was still alive. The thought of her fallen comrades being caught in the same hell was unbearable. She wanted them to be free of this uncertainty and darkness. Even all the enemies she put down, she didn't want them to suffer this way either. But the worst part wasn't the blindness, immobility, or the pain…

The worst part was never being able to see Kaidan Alenko again.

The sadness of this was overwhelming. They had said their goodbyes. They knew the chances of return were slim, but the way he looked at her as he was pulled away from her before the last home stretch to the Conduit had killed her. She had harshly told him to go, had swallowed her own feelings and pushed him away for his own safety. He had reached out to her, his face and body bloody, one arm around James Vega who was ordered to return him to the Normandy. She didn't want that to be the last memory she had of him. It seemed to cloud over all the other memories she had of him, both good and bad. She tried to think of happier times, like the SR-1 days, before the Reapers, before Cerberus, before all the stress and death started to overrun her life.

_"Be careful"_

His last words to her haunted and floated in her mind, along with the ringing. She didn't know what was worse to her, because she knew that she wasn't careful. She had been reckless when she made it to the Citadel, and had now gotten herself into this state. She wasn't thinking of her life at that moment, she was focused on stopping the Reapers and saving the galaxy. But she knew the pain it would bring Kaidan, just like when she had died when the Collectors attacked the SR-1. He told her on Horizon how he struggled with depression and letting her go. He had trouble piecing his life back together after the moment she was spaced. It had touched her that he felt so strongly, and cared so deeply about her, but it had also made her feel guilty. She didn't want to cause him pain, but now she had put him back in that state again.

Their romance was a whirlwind from the very beginning.

She met Kaidan Alenko when he joined Anderson's crew on the SR-1. She had been instantly attracted to him, despite telling herself over and over again that she was starting to tread in dangerous waters. She had only had one boyfriend before him, but she knew that as time went by that her feelings for him were real. He had felt the same way, and everything took off from there. It had all happened so fast.

The night before Ilos meant everything to her. That was the night that they truly connected, and the night that she knew that she had found her soul mate. She felt ridiculous thinking that, but he was the only person she could see spending the rest of her life with. But she had died and been resurrected, and everything had been screwed up after that. She awoke from her deathbed and was a Cerberus soldier. She never trusted the Illusive Man, but she didn't have a choice, she had to stop the Collectors.

She had met up with Kaidan again on Horizon, after two years of being apart. She was so happy to see him; she couldn't contain herself or express properly how she felt. But he saw that she was with Cerberus and got angry with her. He had never been mad at her before, she didn't know what to do. She could've come up with something better to say, to defend herself, but she had stumbled and he had left. She was in a slump after that, feeling lost and lovesick for months, but she had to pull herself together to prepare for the Omega 4 Relay.

Then a year later on Mars, she got to work with him again. She tried her best to let him in, let him know that everything had changed. She wanted to go back to how they were on the SR-1, but he was skeptical. Still angry and weary of her previous Cerberus title, Kaidan still didn't fully trust her yet. Then came the moment when Ambassador Donnel Udina had become a traitor. Kaidan had orders to protect him, and didn't believe her that Udina was a traitor. She had pointed her gun at Kaidan, and he had done the same. She knew she could never bring herself to pull the trigger. She was just glad that things had turned out okay, and that Kaidan had finally joined the Normandy.

After all this they had continued their romance, and she had become happy again, if only for a short time. The Reapers had ruined everything.

_"Commander Shephard?"_

An unfamiliar voice had broken through her thoughts. Someone was talking to her. She could hear the voice above the ringing.

Once again she tried to move her body, to let the voice know that she could hear them. She realized that the ringing sound was ceasing to her excitement. Maybe she'd wake up after all.

"_Shephard, can you hear me?"_

_Yes! I can hear you! Please don't go!_

Her thoughts begged over and over again.

_"Any response?"_

_"No, she's still in a vegetative state."_

_"Will she ever come out of it? Man, I need to change her IV again."_

_"Just give her time. She's Commander Shephard after all, this isn't the first time she's come back from the dead."_

_"But she didn't die this time."_

_"Yeah, but there doesn't seem to be much of a difference right now, other than the brain activity."_

_"There is a difference. Well anyway, it's my turn to go on work duty and see if I can scrounge up some supplies. See ya."_

The two voices faded out, and Shephard was left in silence.

_No! Please don't leave me here! Come back!_

* * *

"Shephard?"

Shephard's eyes opened to a worried looking salarian standing over her.

"Ah, good! You're finally awake! I was afraid that the trauma your body suffered from the explosion would keep you in a comatose state. You are quite a resilient one! We're running short on medi-gel, so we used all we could to-"

Shephard was finally coming into focus of everything that happened. The salarian continued to ramble on, unaware of her not paying attention. She found herself in a dingy hospital room that smelled overwhelmingly of anesthetic and medi-gel. She tried to sit up in the hospital bed, but her body screamed in rejection. She was sore all over; her body drenched in sweat. Her long, black hair was stuck to the sides of her face, her body felt overheated and uncomfortable.

"How long?" Shephard spoke out, interrupting the salarian. Her voice was so raspy that she didn't even recognize it as her own.

"Hmm?" The salarian questioned.

"How long was I out?" Shephard's heartbeat quickened at the thought. Was she in a coma for two years like last time? Longer? She feared for the answer.

"Ten months, well almost eleven months now." He answered while looking at his omni-tool.

Ten months. Ten months since she'd destroyed the Reapers. Ten months since she destroyed all synthetic life. The memories of the events suddenly rushed back to her. Tears welled in her eyes and melted down her cheeks.

"Why…" Her voice rasped in barely a whisper.

"Pardon?" The salarian asked.

"Why do I always get second chances at life. It's not fair, not after everything I've done. I killed so many batarians during the Skyllian Blitz, I let Ashley die on Virmire, it's my fault the hostages died on Asteroid X57, I joined Cerberus… I destroyed the Bahak System. I had to turn my back on Legion and choose a different race… and he died because of that. I wasn't strong enough to stop the Illusive Man from forcing me to pull the trigger on Anderson; I killed him with my own gun. I chose to destroy all synthetic life when I was faced with the fate of the Reapers. I could've and should've chosen something else… but I was so angry, and now EDI's dead…" Shephard's explanation faded on her lips. She could hardly bear to utter the horrible things that she's done in her life. Tears continued to flow heavily as her face contorted in sadness.

The salarian didn't say anything; he let her cry in silence for a long time.

"A team just went out to salvage some supplies from what's left of the Citadel. They should be back soon, so I'll check on you then." The salarian began to leave, not being able to take the awkwardness from her crying in front of him any longer.

" 'Salvage'?" Shephard echoed through her uneven breaths of crying. She wiped her eyes trying to compose herself. "Why do you need to salvage supplies? This is a hospital or refugee camp isn't it? Are you underfunded?"

The salarian fidgeted uncomfortably with all her questions.

"What happened while I was in the coma." Shephard demanded, feeling the anxiety rush back to her.

The salarian sighed, then finally gave in.

"After you defeated the Reapers, some energy was released from the Citadel which seemed to connect with all the mass relays in the galaxy… so it destroyed all of them. Some of them have been repaired, but not enough for transportation to be as easy as it used to be." The salarian answered rapidly and nervously.

Shephard stared at him in mute horror.

"Unfortunately the destruction of the mass relays caused the galaxy's economy to crash, and a lot of planets, colonies, and other types of civilizations as well. Not to mention the fall of the Citadel has left the politics, laws, and organization of the galaxy in shambles. For a while everyone was just in a panic, not knowing what to do. Many savage things happened, riots and such, well that was until-" The salarian continued, but he saw the aghast expression on her face and stopped.

The memories of the Citadel when she had reached the Conduit took over her thoughts. The Citadel was dimly lit; only by an ominous red light. The hundreds of mangled bodies laid on top of each other. The Keepers shifted through them and continued to maintain the Citadel, without a care in the world. The choking smell of death and blood was thick and overpowering, it stung her eyes and nostrils as she trudged through to make a path.

Shephard forced herself to stop thinking about it. But it was something that would be burned into the back of her mind for eternity. She was still trying to wrap her mind around what the salarian had told her. The galaxy had fallen apart after the Reapers had been destroyed. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to _save _the galaxy, not leave it in worse shape. Governments and civilizations have fallen, and traveling to other systems was made almost impossible or unthinkable again. And it was all her fault.

"You need to rest, Commander Shephard. I'll check on you again in a little while." The salarian broke through her thoughts with his voice, soft and cautious. He was about to leave when a loud crash echoed through the room. A quick tremor rumbled through, almost knocking the salarian over.

"Are we under attack?!" Shephard jolted upward in her bed, despite the pain that it caused her.

The salarian groaned in annoyance. "No, that's just the team coming back with supplies. We're medical professionals, but not pilots. Well, turians are bad at driving anyway." He joked to himself, which helped ease Shephard.

"Are we on a ship?" Shephard asked before the salarian could leave.

"No, it's more of a space station. We're orbiting close to the Citadel, trying to hang on to our supplies the best we can." The salarian gave her a worried smile.

"There's no support coming your way at all?" Shephard's asked.

"No. There's not really any support anywhere anymore. Everyone's become thieves. Looting is what keeps us, and most others alive now." The salarian paused for a moment, pondering at something. "You know, life isn't really about living anymore, it's about survival."

Shephard didn't say anything, she felt nauseous from all the bad news she has received when she awoke. She wiped the sweat off her forehead, wanting to just go back to her coma. The ringing and darkness was better than this.

"This isn't how it was supposed to be." She said, hoarsely.

The salarian shrugged. "No one knows how life is supposed to be. Things happen."

"I mean… when I stopped the Reapers once and for all, that was supposed to end the cycle and bring peace. But now I see it's only caused the everything to fall apart. Maybe the galaxy was better off with just leaving the Reapers alone." She hated saying that, but she felt now that it was true.

"You stopped a mass genocide of all of our races. Don't ever regret that. The galaxy will pick itself back up again, don't you worry. Now like I said earlier, you need some rest, Shephard. I'm going to go check on the supplies." The salarian comforted. He smiled and left the room so she could rest.

But Shephard couldn't rest, the thoughts of everything she learned were spinning out of control in her head.

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry for any mistakes, and sorry for chapter 1 being a bit rushed.**

**Thank you so much for reading! :)**


	2. The Man Named Rahul

3 months earlier:

"Damn, I can't believe we've actually made it." Joker muttered as he and the rest of the crew un-boarded the Normandy. After months of traveling they had finally made it to Illium. Hackett was waiting for them at the docking bay, looking older and much more frail than when they last saw him.

Kaidan was happy to see his familiar face; although he could see that Hackett now carried the burdens of what everyone was facing across the galaxy. As the crew approached, Hackett extended his hand to Kaidan, which he grasped and shook it in return.

"It's good to see you, Alenko." Hackett said, his eyes weary from stress but they did look generally happy to see him.

"Same, sir. We were running dangerously low on food and water. Hell, we ran out of power a few times out. We haven't even been able to take hot showers, or clean our clothes regularly." Kaidan paused and looked down at his dress blues. They weren't as sharp as he usually keeps them, but the rest of the crew had to dress up so he had to reserve as much water as he could.

"That's the problem with the entire galaxy right now. Rationing has been hitting everyone hard. It was looking bleak that the Council would never find anywhere else to set up camp like they did in the Citadel, but luckily Illium wasn't completely cut off. Illium is one of the few remaining self-sufficient planets left." Hackett informed him with a deep sigh. "Riots seem to be breaking out everywhere else, raids are at an all time high. I'm so relieved to see that all of you have made it in one piece." Hackett looked over at the rest of the crew, and gave them a sad smile.

"I can't believe we were dragged all the way here for an Alliance meeting." Joker moaned as he gimped over to Kaidan and Hackett. Kaidan shot him a look for not keeping up with formalities in front of Hackett, but Hackett didn't seem to mind.

"What, you'd rather stay on that deserted tropical planet forever?" James asked Joker, sarcastically.

"Hey, the trip here nearly killed us. That's all I'm saying." Joker retorted.

"Well we made it, and that's all that matters." Tali cut in, trying to end their banter. "I'm just happy to be in a place I'm familiar with again."

Although Kaidan didn't say it, he felt the same way as Tali. He felt relived to be on solid ground. Staying cooped up on the Normandy was starting to give him cabin fever. Kaidan did wish that the visit to Illium wasn't for politics, but some Alliance support could help get things back up and running like they used to be. Kaidan was surprised that the message that Hackett had sent them when they were on that strange stranded tropical planet in the middle of nowhere patched through. It was hard to understand because of all the static, but they got their orders to head to Illium.

Chakwas came off the Normandy, followed by Liara whom was concentrating intensely on a datapad. Chakwas was carrying some crutches for Joker, much to his disapproval. He saw her brining them toward him and groaned.

"Way to embarrass me in front of the boss, mom." He said to her as he reluctantly took them from her hands.

"Oh please, Joker." Chakwas huffed, not really in the mood for his sarcasm. "This is an important day, and you need to be in the best shape you can."

"Do you really think I care about making an impression?" Joker asked, flatly. "It's not like the Council hasn't seen us before. I mean we're only the team that saved the whole goddamned galaxy."

"Actually… you all won't be seeing the Council today." Hackett interjected.

The Normandy crew looked at him in surprise.

"What? But that's what you said in your orders." Traynor piped up.

"You all will only be meeting with the newly appointed human councilor." Hackett brought up his omni-tool, and a picture of a man appeared. "Rahul Shrivastava. Not much is known about him, he seemed to have crawled out of the woodwork. His public standing is good, so far, and he is showing signs of being a natural leader and a decent humanitarian."

Kaidan studied Rahul's profile. He had dark browned skin, and jet-black hair that was smoothed in the back and spiked slightly in the front. He had a warm smile, and looked like he was in his late thirties. The thing that kept throwing Kaidan off was Rahul's eyes. His right eye color was a deep black, and his left was a light honey colored brown.

"What's wrong with his eyes?" Tali questioned.

"Heterochromia iridum. It causes the iris' to be two different colors. It's not uncommon in humans." Chakwas stated matter-of-factly.

"There's a room where other Alliance troops will be meeting as well. I'm not sure why Councilor Rahul wanted to only meet with the Alliance, but we'll find out soon enough." Hackett shut off his omni-tool, and pointed in the direction that he'd be leading the team. Hackett scanned the group, taking count that everyone was appointed for in his head. "Where's the Prothean?"

Everyone was silent.

"Javik… decided to leave us." Kaidan finally answered. "He said we wanted to rejoin his race and fallen comrades."

Hackett responded with a knowing nod. "That's a shame, to lose the last living Prothean."

"That's not the reason we're upset." Liara brought up, her voice rising slightly. "We're sad because we've lost a friend."

Hackett nodded solemnly, and starting walking away from the docking bay. The group followed as he led them to the Alliance meeting.

* * *

The Normandy crew slowly made their way around Illium. The planet used to be impressive with its lights, crowds, and atmosphere, but now it had become dingy like everywhere else. People waited in long lines for food rations, broke shopkeepers walked the streets practically begging for credits. Security stormed the streets, looking for trouble so they could have an excuse to use brute force.

Kaidan was sickened to see such a place fall so far. He knew Illium wasn't perfect, but it was starting to look a little like Omega. He imagined Earth looking this way, and shuddered at the thought.

Garrus quickened his pace to catch up to Kaidan. Kaidan saw in the turian's face that he was having the same thoughts about the once pristine planet.

"I'm don't understand why we are all called to this meeting. Not all of us are Alliance soldiers." Garrus mumbled to Kaidan.

That was true. Kaidan had completely forgot that most of the alien inhabitants on the ship weren't part of the Alliance. They only joined to aid Shephard. He thought it strange that there was so much stress on meeting with only the new human councilor.

"Maybe this 'Rahul' wants to offer Shephard's team a position on the Alliance." Kaidan suggested.

Garrus grunted in disagreement, his eyes scanning every corner as they continued to walk on. Kaidan wondered why Garrus seemed so alert. He knew that crime was high, but he doubted that a third-rate mugger would target such a big group, especially how experienced they were in combat. He decided to let it go and let Garrus be cautious.

"I don't have any interest. I think the same goes for the rest of the crew as well." The turian replied. "Maybe it's a reassignment. It looks like they could use all the help they could get."

They walked past a tired looking asari. She was tampering with her omni-tool, making holographic photos of what looked like hundreds of people appear on a virtual screen. It read in bold letters **MISSING, **translating into many different languages.

The team continued on the follow Hackett, but Kaidan stopped to observe the screen. Garrus and Liara stopped too to see what Kaidan was up to.

"These past few months, more and more have gone missing. Mostly kidnappings are suspected." The asari informed them as she noticed them stop to observe her work.

"Is the Council doing anything about this?" Liara asked, watching the asari add more and more people to the screen.

The asari turned to them and shrugged sadly. "People go missing everyday, so I don't think the Council cares." She said.

"Is Shephard's name on the screen?" Kaidan asked urgently without thinking. Liara and Garrus tensed up at his question.

"She's dead, Alenko." Garrus mumbled distantly. Garrus stalked away to join with the rest of the group.

The asari searched her omni-tool. "You mean Commander Shephard, right? I'm sorry, she was reported dead about seven months ago."

"Come on, Kaidan. Let's catch up with the others." Liara ushered Kaidan to keep moving. They walked in silence for a while, Kaidan could tell that Liara had something to say but she didn't want to bring it up. The rest of the Normandy crew didn't agree with Kaidan that Shephard wasn't dead. They thought that he was just having a hard time "letting it go" like they told him countless times again, but he knew that she was still alive out there.

"Kaidan, the meeting with the new human councilor is going to be very crucial-" Liara began.

"And what? You think I don't know that?" Kaidan snapped. He wasn't in the mood for her criticism.

"All I'm saying is you need to keep your head on straight. Focus on the Alliance, what the Councilor has to say, and the future of the g-"

"I know that, Liara! Please, we don't have to talk about this right now. Let's just keep moving." Kaidan stormed ahead to catch up with Hackett.

* * *

The room full of Alliance soldiers was packed. Folding chairs were lined in neat rows, along with a few bodyguards standing in four corners. Kaidan studied the room, surprised that the layout wasn't more immaculate. The Council usually liked to show off. Hackett stood in the middle of the aisle at attention, ready to address Councilor Rahul when he arrived.

Rahul came through a back door, escorted by a man and a batarian bodyguard. Rahul casually went behind a podium set up for him in front of all the rows of chairs and people sitting. He started to check things on his omni-tool; his strange eyes gleamed in the yellowish/orange light.

"A batarian?" James whispered over to Kaidan.

"I find that strange too." Kaidan whispered back.

"I'm so sorry to keep you all waiting! Everything has been overwhelming since I've come to take the job as human councilor. Now, let's get down to business, shall we?" Rahul greeted everyone, enthusiastically. "I have many plans for the Alliance, and how we can start developing the societal structure of the Milky Way again." He gave a friendly nod of acknowledgement to Hackett. "First off, all of you are stationed here in Illium until further notice."

The crowd mumbled to this, questioning on whether it was a good idea to have all of them were in one place. Most just wished for a better assignment.

"Now, now." Rahul raised his hand to quiet everyone down. "The Alliance will be working directly for the Council now, instead of just Earth."

Some members of the crowd gasped in surprise.

"Are you kidding me?" Joker hissed.

"We need to start taking more serious steps toward rebuilding humanity. The Council is also doing away with the Spectre title. Equality is the first step to the long process of construction." Rahul stated.

The crowd almost up-roared. Kaidan felt himself go cold for a moment. No more Spectres? His title was going to be stripped? Kaidan saw the knowing look of understanding the room's frustration on Rahul's face. He knew that this was a tough call, but he was surprised that the rest of the Council agreed.

"The entire Council agreed to that? With having the Alliance as a personal army and with doing away with Spectres?" Hackett spoke up, his posture tall and proud. He looked like the eye of the hurricane from where he stood.

"Yes, Admiral. There has been issues with Spectres from the past. With Saren, you know. And some agree that current and deceased Spectres held too much power. It was a very hard decision to make." Rahul's voice flowed like milk and honey; it soothed most occupants of the room despite the news he gave. Kaidan thought that he must be the best person the Council could find to give bad news.

"I don't see how this helps with making anyone equal. Are you doing away with all the other citations? Ranks? Does the same go for the Council?" Hackett questioned in a firm but polite manner.

"No, Admiral. We're just not granting anyone, or soldier that amount of power anymore. The potential of the title becoming a threat is just too much. With riots and murders erupting all over at the highest percentages that we've ever seen, how can we do so anymore? Control and order need to be established first, once again. Then maybe the Council will bring back Spectres." Rahul stated with a sentimental smile. "I know not all of you will like this, but this is a tough time for the galaxy. Some restrictions must be made to aid humanity, but only for a little while. It's so hard to trust anyone with that much freedom anymore, I hope you all can understand. Human lives come first."

Liara stood up, her hand raised to ask a question, but she didn't wait for Rahul to call on her.

"I know you desire to restore humanity, but what about everyone else?" She asked, gesturing with her hand at her alien comrades. "You haven't mentioned any involvement to help any of the other species yet."

Hackett gave her a cautionary side-glance. She wasn't part of the Alliance Navy, so speaking out of turn was very risky. Kaidan swore for a minute that he saw Rahul give Liara, and the alien members of the Normandy crew, a venomous glare for a moment, but it flickered off his face too quickly for him to judge.

Rahul smiled apologetically. "My apologies. The Alliance is mainly human-based, so I've overlooked that. The other members of the Council are composing plans for all of you." He said with a nod in their direction. "You will have to make an appointment with the Council to discuss further developments with them. Don't worry, I'll help get it sorted out, but right now I only want to focus on humans."

Kaidan reached up and pulled Liara's shoulder, beckoning her to sit back down. She didn't look satisfied with Rahul's answer, but she let it go.

Liara's brave question seemed to inspire others in the room, an Alliance soldier sitting toward a middle row stood up.

"I still don't get why getting rid of Spectres helps anything! A lot of us worked hard for titles like that… or are still trying to work toward that!" He flared. Some of the crowd looked around and nodded in agreement. The batarian bodyguard gripped his gun in alertness, and shot a warning glance to the soldier whom spoke out of turn.

"Like I said, there's too much potential for risk. We've come to realize that now. I know it's unfair, but desperate times call for desperate measures." Rahul answered patiently, signaling the batarian to lower his gun.

"Not everyone who becomes a Spectre is a threat!" The man pointed an accusing finger at Rahul. Both of Rahul's bodyguards aimed their guns at the solider, despite Rahul's signal. Hackett snapped the solider a look to calm down before he got himself into serious trouble.

"I know." Rahul nodded.

"Like Commander Shephard! She helped the galaxy!" Another solider stood up and shouted. The crowd cheered their agreement.

"Remember, she did go rogue for a time." Rahul added, and the crowd quieted down. "She was with Cerberus for a time, and did some things that weren't beneficial, like the destruction of the Bahak system in the Viper Nebula. She served a year on Earth in an Alliance detention center for that. She had too much power, she acted freely of her own will, and didn't always follow orders."

Kaidan couldn't believe they were bringing her up this way. She saved the galaxy! She saved everyone! She had to destroy the Bahak system to stop the Reapers from coming through the Mass Relay. She didn't really have much of a choice.

"There is evidence of Commander Shephard being the one who put the galaxy in the sorry state that it is. The evidence suggests that she had a choice to destroy synthetic life, and she did." Rahul added, delicately.

The Normandy crew shot up, outraged. Kaidan couldn't believe his ears. How on Earth did Rahul come up with information like that? Hackett looked a little steamed at the statement as well.

"You're wrong." A voice rang from the back of the crowd. A woman in dress blues came marching up the aisle. She was short, tanned, and had a strict posture about her. Her brown hair was pulled back in a tight bun, her pale blue eyes burned with intensity. She came and stood beside Hackett. He seemed to know her by the acknowledgement he gave her.

"What is your name, ma'am?" Rahul asked.

"Rear Admiral Hannah Shephard." She stated with authority.

The crowd hushed intently. Kaidan felt his heart skip a beat at the name "Shephard." This woman is Shephard's mother.

He felt strange that he had never met her before, there wasn't much resemblance of appearance in Shephard and her mother at all. Shephard had dark jet-black hair, pale porcelain skin, dark friendly eyes, and fuller lips.

"Ah, Mrs. Shephard! You have an impressive record, ma'am. Executive officer of the SSV Kilimanjaro and SSV Einstein; not to mention your work on the Crucible." Rahul addressed her almost excitedly as he pulled up her record on his omni-tool. "Same with your late husband, Shōta Yamaguchi. But why did he take your surname, I wonder?"

"Don't try to butter me up, sir. Not after you said those outrageous allegations about my daughter." Hannah told Rahul, ignoring his question.

"I mean no disrespect, Mrs. Shephard. But the intel that the Council received suggests that my allegations about her responsibility for the fall of the galaxy are correct. Don't get me wrong, your daughter was an exceptional solider and very talented Adept. My deepest condolences for your loss." Rahul placed his hand on his heart in sympathy.

Hannah didn't seem convinced, she kept the same erect posture and stern expression on her face.

"This "intel", may I see it, sir?" Hannah almost sounded like she was demanding.

"I'm sorry, but it's confidential."

"It's unjust for you to accuse my daughter of such crimes when she isn't present, and then not show the evidence."

"Mrs. Shephard… your daughter is dead." Rahul said softly, as if he was informing her for the first time.

"How would you know? The Alliance only searched for her body for two days. She was just declared dead without any proof." Hannah let out a sigh. "I know Adrienne is still alive."

The crowd stirred a little from the sound of Shephard's first name. Kaidan did admit to himself that it sounded weird when someone addressed her as 'Adrienne' instead of 'Shephard'.

"How do you know this, Mrs. Shephard?" Rahul seemed interested in her information about Shephard.

"I have a feeling, sir."

"Mrs. Shephard-" Rahul let out a frustrated sigh. "I can't continue and conduct a search based on your 'feelings'. We don't have enough resources at this time. We need to focus on restoring everything." Rahul composed himself for a moment, and looked at Hannah thoughtfully. "I know it's hard to of lost both your husband and your only child, but the entire galaxy has suffered losses such as yours. I can't cater to each one, it isn't possible."

* * *

The conference went on for at least another hour, but Kaidan had stopped paying attention. Hannah Shephard felt the same way as he did; she believed that Shephard was still alive out there. Kaidan shifted uncomfortably in his chair from sitting too long. He saw that the rest of the crew looked just as preoccupied as he did. It bothered him that Rahul seemed to only be interested in helping the humans and their problems after the Reapers were destroyed, and it bothered him that Rahul blamed Shephard for the fall of the galaxy. It didn't feel right not having the other Council members attending the meeting either. Something just felt off.

Kaidan could hear Hackett continue to ask Rahul questions, but Kaidan wasn't paying attention. The words 'Shephard is alive' kept replaying over and over again in his head. He looked over and saw Hannah Shephard sitting nearby, listening intently to everything that was being said. Her fists were clenched in her lap and her eyes were staring daggers and Rahul. Kaidan couldn't imagine how it felt to have your daughter's name be slandered in public like this, especially after she nearly sacrificed herself on so many occasions to save the rest of the galaxy. Rahul didn't say that Shephard was accused harshly, but Kaidan knew that meant that the rest of the Council holds Shephard responsible.

"That concludes this Alliance meeting, thank you all for attending. I'll send you all notifications about your lodgings and information on future meetings. We all have jobs to do, and we must strive toward making everything whole again." Rahul wrapped up. The crowd started to get up and stretch as they got ready to leave the room; looking equally frustrated about the outcome of the meeting. Rahul and his bodyguards had already left before anyone could approach him with more questions.

"That was a lot of information to take in…" Traynor muttered tensely to any of her teammates that would listen as they left the room. They gathered around the doorway, waiting for Hackett to come out and join them.

"It's ridiculous that this 'Rahul' didn't have any plans for the nonhuman party members." Tali groaned.

"I guess we'll just stick with the Normandy until everything's figured out. It sounds like we're going to be stuck on Illium for a long time." Garrus sighed, feeling just as frustrated as Tali.

"I think it's a good idea to be grounded for a bit. We can restock on supplies in the meantime as we wait for orders." Chakwas added, trying to lift the negative mood. Traynor and Cortez nodded.

"I tell you what, I can't wait to eat a full meal again instead of just scraps. That's the only good thing I can really pull from this, other than us making it here." James said as he looked over at Kaidan. "That's a tough break with the Spectre status, hermano, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Kaidan mumbled, barely listening.

"Commander Alenko." A brisk female voice barked from behind Kaidain. He turned to see Hannah Shephard and Hackett walking in their direction.

"Uh-oh, here comes Mama Shep." Joker whispered.

Hannah walked up to Kaidan and embraced him in a surprise hug. The Normandy crew froze in confusion by her sudden affection. He pulled away equally confused. This woman had been so serious and unemotional during the meeting, and now she was giving hugs?

"I hear that you believe me about my Adrienne. It's so nice to finally meet you. Adi has told me so much about you." Hannah gushed. She acted like a completely different woman.

Kaidan stood there, stammering as he tried to form something right to say. " Uh-I- it's so nice to meet you too, ma'am."

"We need to head back to the Normandy and discuss things there." Hackett informed the crew. He had already started heading back to the docking bay before anyone even spoke up.

* * *

"I don't know if I fully trust Councilor Rahul. I think we should start a thorough background search on him." Traynor reputed, as she busily typed on her computer back at the Normandy. "He seems a little racist towards aliens to me. That's not a good sign of a member of the Council."

"Already in progress." Liara informed, her datapad in her hand. "I might as well put my Shadow Broker contacts to good use. It's been a while."

"I had no idea that my daughter was best friends with the Shadow Broker. She's always made interesting friends." Hannah marveled. She stood next to the Galaxy Map with the woman and the asari, watching them work.

"Hopefully you can pick something up on him. Like Hackett said, if Rahul really did come 'crawling out of the woodwork', I don't know if there'll be anything on him." Traynor sighed, doubtfully.

"Don't underestimate me, Samantha." Liara chimed, in a playful manner.

Kaidan came into the room, still feeling stung over the meeting. Hannah noticed him come in and immediately went over to speak to him. She had made her home on the Normandy with everyone else, Hackett's orders. The crew was excited to have her aboard, but Kaidan felt a little awkward with the mother of his lover now being stationed on the same ship.

"Commander Alenko, I need to talk to you." Hannah motioned him to come over and join their little group discussion.

Although he didn't really want to, Kaidan obliged.

"We need a plan." She began, not being very clear on the subject.

"A plan to what?" Kaidan asked.

"A plan to find my daughter, Adrienne, and dig up information on Councilor Rahul." Hannah's eyes burned with determination. "You feel the same way I do, you know that she's alive. And I'm sure you want to find out more about Rahul, too."

Kaidan couldn't help but crack a smile. Finally, someone was actually serious about finding Shephard.

"Where do we begin?"


	3. Grudges

_"Some wounds run too deep for the healing." – JK Rowling_

* * *

**TW: Violence/abuse**

* * *

A loud bang awoke Shephard from a restless sleep. She had fallen asleep waiting for the salarian to return with the supplies. She found it odd that the salarian was taking so long to return, unless he got held up with something. Shephard glanced around the room, looking for any indication of what time it was.

"Hello?" Shephard called out. She waited for a response for about a minute, but got nothing back. Another bang made Shephard jolt.

_Are we under attack? _She thought, feeling uneasy as time went on.

A short-lived scream along with the quick and familiar sound of a gun echoed outside of her room. She shot up in bed. The clinic _was _under attack. Shephard's instincts kicked in, as she tried to flare up her biotics. A sudden excruciating throb pounded in her head, making her yelp in pain. Her biotic amp buzzed in protest while a thick stream of blood dripped from her nose. She wasn't able to use biotics. She was unsure if it was because the amp was broken or that her body simply went into shock from trying to use them too quickly for the first time in almost a year.

More gunshots fired. Shephard began to panic as she hastily scanned the room for a weapon. Her body was still too stiff to move quickly enough to spring for anything; she was practically immobile in her bed. She sank back down in her covers, forcing herself to remain calm. Her thoughts raced as she attempted to prepare some kind of escape plan. If the gunmen were going from room to room killing people on sight, then maybe she could play dead. It wasn't a good plan, but she was desperate, disoriented, and out of options.

Before she could react, a batarian kicked open the door.

_Shit! _Shephard cursed in her head. Shephard wasn't a racist woman, but she never was very fond of batarians. Whenever she encountered them, it never was a good experience. And she knew that batarians weren't very fond of her either. She had a feeling that this encounter would be another negative one.

The batarain sneered when he saw her. He turned away from her and shouted "hey, I found her!" and cocked his head in her direction. Three more batarians came strolling into the room. They circled her bed, smiling maliciously. Shephard's heart hammered in her chest as she eyed each one of them. She tried to hide the apparent fear from showing on her face.

"We've been looking for you." The batarian to her far right said.

"You sure are hard to find." Another one chuckled.

"What do you want?" Shephard demanded, trying to sound stern.

"Revenge, Commander." The batarian at the foot of her bed replied.

"Revenge for what?" She asked.

"What do you think, bitch?!" The batarian to her left roared. He placed the barrel of his gun on her temple. "For what you did to the Bahak system!"

Shephard gulped, feeling the cold steel press against her head. "I served a year on Earth in an Alliance detention center for that." She informed the batarian; her voice came out meeker than she'd liked.

"Three square meals a day and air conditioning? That's not severe enough punishment for taking over 300,000 lives. Don't you agree?" The batarian to her right asked. His tone was surprisingly calm, but she could sense the anger in him.

Shephard didn't answer.

"I think it's time that you properly pay for your crime." He added. "We'll be taking you to a little place where we take all of the vermin in this galaxy who've wronged us." He said this so coolly that it made her shudder. He leaned close to her face and grinned, showing a mouthful of sharp teeth. "If it was my choice, I'd shoot you right now, but the boss wants you alive. He wants you to suffer and learn your lesson."

Shephard held her posture steadily, fighting herself not to give away any sign of weakness. Her thoughts raced with words to say to get her out of this situation, but she couldn't think of anything. She was never witty enough with her words to get her out of bad situations, instead she always found herself making things worse.

"Why do you look so surprised? You aren't that popular anymore, Commander. I guess you miss out on a lot of news in here, huh?" The batarian added with an amused smirk. "This was bound to happen sooner or later."

The batarian with the gun drawn on her suddenly whipped back the weapon and struck her with the gun across her face. The blow forced her body to jerk in the opposite direction, almost making her fall off the bed. The pain shot through her body and began to radiate sharply in waves. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her off the bed and onto the ground. She was still too dazed from being struck to defend herself fully. He gave her a deep kick in the abdomen, causing the wind to be instantly knocked out of her. She struggled to breathe, rasping and wheezing out of control. She had no shields, no biotics, and no weapons. She had just woken up from being in a coma for almost a year and was patched up by a unit with limited supplies, so her body was still going through recovery. She couldn't defend herself at all against these intruders. The realization set in as she began to lose focus. He continued to kick her all over her body, making her vision blur every time he struck and her voice wail in misery. She drew her arms up to her head and her legs curled up to protect her face and stomach. Spittle and blood streamed from her mouth and nose, smearing on the floor and on her face. Her tousled hair fell over her face, mixing in with the blood and covering her face from looking into her attackers eyes. She could feel her face swelling up from where the batarian had struck her with the gun. She trembled with every kick, feeling helpless in her weak state.

_This is it… this is how I'm going to die…_

"That's enough, Jari'nlth." The calm batarian spoke up. "We need her alive, remember."

Shephard felt herself being hoisted up in a standing position. Her head spun with grogginess as her head lolled to the side, unable to support itself. Her legs gave way as they tried to hold the weight of her body. Her arms were yanked upwards from behind while the rest of her body remain on the ground. Something snapped on her wrists as she felt something cold dig into them. They had handcuffed her. She continued to lay on the floor, still gasping for air but not as intensely as before.

"I really expected you to fight back more. You are Commander Shephard after all. I'm disappointed. Oh well, it makes our job easier since it looks like you'll oblige." She heard one of the batarians say, but she couldn't tell which one. They were all smiling with immense satisfaction.

"Who's your boss?" Shephard suddenly asked; the words just spilled out of her mouth like she wasn't in control of them. So much for keeping her mouth shut.

The calm batarian knelt down to face her. "You're not in any position to be asking questions. Not that you'll ever figure it out, anyway. A lot of people hate you." She felt herself being pulled up again, but this time they held her up since she wasn't able to stand. They dragged her out of the room roughly, her feet and legs lagged behind her. Outside of the room she saw asari and turian bodies littered in the narrow hallway of the clinic. Medical materials were thrown and scattered all over the place. It looked like a tornado had come through while she was asleep. Shephard's feet dragged over the discarded items; she could feel them cutting her feet but she was unaware of it happening. They continued to pull her through the grim hallway for what seemed like an eternity. They finally reached the docking bay of the clinic, and that's when she saw the salarian again. He was up against a wall, a round had went into his eye and exited through the back of his head. He was looking up at her, his one lifeless eye stuck with a surprised expression. His mouth gaped open, hanging by the loose skin at his jaw. Shephard tore her eyes away from the sight and bit her lip. These batarians were barbaric, killing all of these innocent people just because they were present in the same place that _she _was in.

They boarded the batarian ship and dragged Shephard down to the cargo bay. Boxes full of what she assumed was ammunition were stacked almost to the ceiling. The batarian dragging her threw her to the ground then pressed his boot against her back to keep her down. Shephard didn't resist. She knew better than to try and fight back when she was outnumbered and outgunned.

"Keep an eye on her. Remember, we need her alive." A batarian informed the one holding her down. He gave a brisk nod and an aggressive stomp to her back. She braced herself for another beating, but the batarian didn't do anything else. After holding out for as long as she could, Shephard finally slipped out of consciousness.

* * *

Shephard's eyes fluttered open and her vision slowly came into focus. She was being dragged again, but this time she was in what looked like a prison. An eerie red light glowed above her, lighting the way down the prison aisle. She could see cells and hear prisoners whimper and scream in the distance. All the prisoners huddled in the shadows of their cells, out of sight from whoever was dragging Shephard around. A shrill scream carried itself from outside one of the closer cells; the sound of it made Shephard's hair on the back of her neck stand up on end. This place was dangerous, and she had to find a way out of here. It reminded Shephard of the Citadel before she stopped the Reapers.

"Shut the fuck up!" A voice snapped behind her. She could tell whoever was dragging her was a batarian, but she didn't recognize the voice as one of the batarians that had kidnapped her from the clinic. He stopped in front of a cell and opened the door aggressively. A young girl was hunched in the corner, shielding her face and shaking in fear. An asari was in the other corner, but she looked unconscious. Her head lolled lifelessly to one side - she didn't even twitch when the cell door opened. The batarian threw Shephard to the ground, she landed with a thud. He un-cuffed her then gave her a harsh kick on her side.

"Welcome to your new home. Be thankful you're even alive, you deserve to fucking die." The batarian spat venomously at Shephard. He slammed the cell door and stalked off, running his hands along the bars of other cells to terrorize the prisoners.

Shephard lay there silently for a long time. Feeling hopeless and afraid, she began to cry softly. If only she had been stronger when she awoke or able to use her biotics, then maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. She could've saved all those lives and make it out of the clinic. She could've seen Kaidan again. Part of her also felt like she deserved this. The entire galaxy has gone to shit and it was her fault, and the batarians were right, she didn't do enough time for killing all those batarians when she destroyed the mass relay. Back then she stood firmly by "I didn't have a choice" but now none of that seemed to matter. Not the trial she had for the crime, nor the immediate Reaper threat at the time. The only thing that mattered now was how livid the batarians were. They would never forgive her and who could blame them?

Shephard felt herself slipping away again; this time she welcomed it. It would relieve her from the guilt and fear that she was feeling, if only for a short time. Her injuries kept making her faint which did worry her, but there wasn't anything that she could do in this state. She fell out of consciousness again.

* * *

"Hey, you okay? You passed out." Shephard's eyes opened to the girl whom was curled up in the corner earlier. She had a young, freckled face, and wide brown eyes. Her short blond hair fell at her sides as she leaned over Shephard. The girl looked no older than sixteen.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Shephard's voice rasped. She sat up, feeling the bruises pull on her skin. She moaned in pain but she managed to get herself to a sitting position.

"The swelling on your face is pretty bad. I wish I had some ice to give you." The girl reputed, looking over Shephard's body anxiously as she examined all her wounds. She checked the bruises that covered Shephard's body and frowned sadly. "I managed to stop your nose from bleeding." She held a few used tissues that were soaked in blood.

"I appreciate it…" Shephard mumbled weakly.

There was a long, awkward pause between them. The girl looked like she wanted to ask Shephard something but seemed hesitant. Shephard leaned against the prison wall, gingerly, trying not to strain her body even more than it already was. Shephard closed her eyes for a moment, letting everything that happened just sink in.

"Aren't you Commander Shephard?" The girl piped up timidly.

"I was."

"Wow…" The girl's voice trailed off in amazement. "I used to idolize you, I mean, I wasn't the only one. I think the entire galaxy did."

"Not the entire galaxy." Shephard spoke absentmindedly.

"You did so many amazing things, ma'am." The girl's intrigued voice stalled for a moment. "It's too bad that the Anti-Shephard campaign came to be."

"The what?" Shephard's head snapped in her direction. She had no idea what the girl was talking about.

"There's some ridiculous people saying that it's your fault that all the synthetic life was destroyed. This new human councilor released evidence on you after you were presumed dead a couple months ago."

Shephard didn't say anything right. The girl didn't know that she actually _was _responsible for those things happening. She decided not the mention it right now.

"A new councilor?" Shephard echoed, alarmed at the girl's news. "What else have you heard?"

"That's all, ma'am. I'm sorry, I don't hear too much news in here. I only catch what I can through the grapevine." The girl shrugged sadly. "All I know is that I'm locked up in here because I protested against the Anti-Shephard campaign."

Shephard felt her heart break. Another life was ruined because of her. Shephard felt tears gather in her eyes again, but they didn't melt down her face, they only misted over for a moment then she blinked them away. The girl noticed her reaction and reached out her hand to pat Shephard's shoulder in comfort.

"It's okay, I don't blame you. A lot of your supporters have been locked away, well except for your old crew as far as I know. The batarians don't want anyone praising you because of the Bahak system incident. They're the ones that started the campaign after the human councilor mentioned those things about you. I'm sorry, ma'am… I'm sorry you had to come back to this."

"Call me Adrienne." Shephard replied.

"It's strange to call you by your first name. My name is Kaylee." The girl smiled. "Oh, here I have something for you." Kaylee crawled over to the asari, and moved her limp hand from the ground it laid on. Kaylee pried the tile off the cell ground revealing a small compartment filled with items. There was a couple bags of tampons, cloth, at least a dozen hair bands, and a canteen of water. Kaylee pulled out a headband and showed it to Shephard. "They don't let us wash up in here, so it'll be best if your hair is kept back most of the time. That way it'll stay healthy and they'll be less likely to shave your head as a punishment." Kaylee also turned behind her and picked up a jumpsuit that was folded in a neat square. "This is your prison uniform, it's actually pretty comfortable.

Shephard let Kaylee style her hair. She pulled it back in a tight fishtail braid. Shephard looked over at the asari as Kaylee placed the tile firmly back in the ground.

"She was an asari commando. She tried to break out of here a few days ago, so the batarians took her from the cell and into one of their back rooms of the prison. Those back rooms are bad news, once you go in there you either never come out, or you don't come return the same. They did something to her brain, the closest thing I can compare to it is a lobotomy. They wanted to suppress her biotics." Kaylee informed her as she noticed Shephard looking.

Shephard's throat went dry, unable to respond.

"I think the procedure gave her some internal bleeding in the brain. She hasn't moved in a long time. I think she died." Kaylee moved the lifeless asari's hand back on the tile. "I hate to do this, but it's the best way to hide the supplies from them." Kaylee's expression was serious but she didn't cry. Shephard could tell that Kaylee had been here a long time and had gotten used to this squalor.

"Why didn't you perform CPR or something?" Shephard asked.

"And bring her back to this? So she can be a vegetable the rest of her life? I don't think she'd want that." Kaylee answered.

"I'm so-" Shephard began, feeling all the guilt start to rise up in her chest.

"Don't." Kaylee raised a hand to stop her. "Stop worrying yourself. Now get some rest, you won't get much sleep in here." Kaylee lay down on her back and shifted in the most comfortable position that she could. The cells didn't have any beds, just a tile floor and three walls surrounding the small room.

Shephard lay down on her back, but she knew sleep wouldn't come to her. She felt the batarians watching and waiting, waiting for her to let her guard down when Kaylee was asleep so they could take her to the back room. Shephard stared at the dark ceiling being illuminated by the red light, thinking over everything. Despite everything that occurred that day, her thoughts before she went to sleep always found their way back to the same place. She always thought of Kaidan.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry for not updating for almost two weeks, I've been sooo busy. Rating change because of language and mild violence, and for other things that'll happen in future chapters. **

**Also I hate naming batarians, it's so hard. Ugh. I'll see if I can fix that in the upcoming chapters. Thanks for reading! **


	4. Somewhere In The Terminus Systems

**Author's Note:**

**I wanted to give a big thank you to Jules Hawk for the review! It really inspired me to keep on writing :) I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!**

* * *

**TW: violence/abuse**

* * *

Only five days have past since Shephard was taken hostage and made a prisoner, but it felt like weeks. The hardships that she and the rest of the poor souls that were trapped here endured were almost unexplainable. Shephard hadn't been fed since the second day, and hadn't had water since the night before. Dehydration started to set in as her bones and muscles began to ache. Kaylee had slipped her a bit of water that she smuggled but didn't let her have too much so it could last. After everything Shephard's endured in her life, she believed the feeling of being thirsty was the worst.

Kaylee and Shephard sat in their cells, listening to all the tortured cries ring through the prison walls. Shephard was observing her left arm, which now had a some word from the batarian language burned into it. The skin was raw and still a little sensitive on the scarred areas. Shephard frowned at it, trying to decipher what it said.

"Do you have any idea what this says?" Shephard asked Kaylee, holding up her arm in the dim red light.

"No. All I know is that's how they keep track of you." Kaylee answered, flatly.

On the second day after Shephard was kidnapped, the batarians had came into her cell and took her away. Shephard thought that they were going to give her a lobotomy like they did with the dead asari commando, but instead they took her to get branded. They lit the branding iron over a fire, then proceeded to press it against her forearm. Shephard winced at the pain but she didn't cry out. She refused to give these monsters the satisfaction of succeeding in visibly hurting her. She was surprised that they chose a human method of torture. She asked them why they did and all they said was that humans have come up with the best ways to torture out of all the species. This made Shephard feel sick to her stomach, but she didn't argue. She knew they were right.

Day three they kept her in her cell with Kaylee, starving them out slowly and shutting off the little light they had. Shephard would've rather had another brand placed on her than that. Sitting for hours in one tiny room had driven Shephard mad, and in the complete darkness it was even worse. The saying was true: "prison time is slow time", and she finally understood. The constant moans of the other prisoners made chills run down Shephard's spin. For as long as she lived she'd never get over the sound.

On the forth day Shephard was hanged upside down until she almost passed out. The sensation of the blood rushing to her head was painful, but she didn't let it show to the batarians. This angered them, which resulted in Shephard getting about twenty lashes on her back. The whip cut and stung deep, but she still fought against appearing that she was in too much pain. Kaylee treated her back that night with the limited supplies that she had stashed away. She told Shephard 'not to act so strong, that it only made the beatings worse,' but Shephard didn't want to succumb to this place. Sadly enough, Shephard knew she'd get used to it like Kaylee had.

Shephard stopped looking at her brand mark and rolled the prison jumpsuit sleeve down. The batarians had halted access to every prisoners omni-tool and only kept the translators working. She had no idea how they did it, but it frustrated her to no end. In the silence of their cell, Shephard started to think of ways to escape this hellhole, but first she knew she needed to get her biotics to work again.

"We have to get out of here, Kaylee." Shephard said, determination clear in her voice.

Color drained from Kaylee's face. She shook her head rapidly and pressed her pointer finger to her mouth to shush her.

"Don't talk like that in here! They'll take you to the back room. There's no way out, no one ever escapes!" Kaylee hissed in a half-whisper.

"If I can just get my biotics back up to par-"

"No! Don't let them know that you can still use biotics!" Kaylee muttered fearfully. She cocked her head over to the dead asari. "That is what'll happen to you if they find out."

"Do you want to stay in here forever?" Shephard whispered back.

"I believe that someone will find us out here. The Council knows that people go missing everyday in the Terminus systems, so they ought to start looking." Kaylee replied hopefully.

Shephard couldn't help but chuckle. "You have too much faith in the Council. And how do you know we're in the Terminus systems?"

"I saw the way they traveled when they captured me, and some of the other prisoners told me."

"Hmm. They put me in the cargo area so I didn't get to see anything."

Before they could say anything else, a shrill scream rattled through the aisle of the cellblocks. Shephard could hear someone struggling, it sounded like a batarian and one of the prisoners were having a row. The prisoner and the batarian came into view, Shephard and Kaylee could see the commotion through the bars to their cell. It was a female turian being dragged by one of the batarian guards. She cried for help as she tried to resist going with him, but escape was futile. The batarian looked absolutely livid as he forced the turian to leave with him. The turian's head whipped back and forth, looking at everyone that she could keep eye contact with, pleading for someone to save her. Her hands skidded on the aisle ground as she attempted to grab hold of something, instead it just made a horrible sound like nails on a chalkboard.

"HELP! PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME! THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE ME INTO THE BACK ROOM! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!" The turian screamed at the top of her lungs. Her eyes locked with Shephard for a moment, but Shephard didn't budge. She knew that she couldn't do anything to save the poor turian, but sitting around doing nothing made Shephard's stomach churn with guilt.

"Look away." Kaylee whispered to Shephard. Shephard could barely hear her over the turians cries, but she couldn't look away from the scene outside of the bars. "Look away or you'll be taken too." Kaylee whispered again, this time through gritted teeth. Shephard then looked away; she didn't need Kaylee to press her even further. The turian's screams grew farther and farther away until they were completely silenced by the slam of a steel door.

"I could've tried to save her…" Shephard muttered, feeling useless.

"You wouldn't have been able to do anything but get yourself killed." Kaylee snapped, throwing Shephard off guard.

"I could've tried to use biotics-" Shephard retorted, although she knew being able to use them successfully at that moment would have been a long shot.

Kaylee rolled her eyes. This girl had only known Shephard for less than a week, but she could already read her like a book. Kaylee lifted the tile that hid her stash and took out a pair of nail clippers. She began to clip her nails to keep herself busy. Shephard stared at her, wondering how Kaylee got all this stuff.

"Kaylee… you never told me how you smuggle all these things." Shephard said, trying to change the subject. Kaylee went pale for a minute; her lips slightly pursed but she didn't say anything. Shephard eyed her suspiciously. "Kaylee- how do you get these items smuggled."

"I know people in the prison." Kaylee mumbled meekly. She looked stiff and distant as she spoke and didn't keep eye contact with Shephard.

"Kaylee-"

"Let's talk about something else, something more interesting. Were the rumors about you and that biotic Alenko true?" Kaylee cut off, giving Shephard a wicked grin, which made Shephard groan in frustration and dropped the conversation. Kaylee really could read Shephard like a book, she knew exactly what to say to make Shephard stop talking. Shephard wondered how Kaylee had even heard about that, although their relationship wasn't really the best kept secret in the Alliance.

* * *

Shephard dreamed of the turian that was taken away that night. She also dreamed of the salarian in the clinic. Their faces faded in and out in the darkness as she tried to run toward them but their images drifted further and further away. Even in her dreams she couldn't reach them in time; she couldn't save them like she should've.

She was shaken awake by a batarian.

"Get up." He demanded, shaking her to the point that her head was rattling. He pulled her up without waiting for her to stand and dragged her out of the cell. This didn't take her by surprise, this is how most of the other days started. These batarians enjoyed the torture and needed some form of entertainment to get their sick kicks. Shephard sucked in breath to calm her nerves and brace herself for whatever was coming ahead. The batarian pushed her in a room that a big tub of water in the middle that was in the floor. It had a large metal contraption that was set next to the pool. It had a long and narrow piece of metal that was about 16 feet long going over the pool on an axel. Attached to the end of it, above was a long piece of rope hanging over the center of the pool with some kind of weight on it. Her stomach sank. She knew exactly what they were going to do to her.

A smug looking batarian was standing at the other side of the pool. He had his hands placed behind his back as he observed Shephard looking at the device.

"Are you familiar with the human torture, dunking?" The smug batarian asked her, coolly.

"Yes." Shephard could barely mutter the words as she pictured herself being tied to the rope and being dipped in the water.

"It was quite popular during, what you humans call, Salem Witch Trials correct? Only this one doesn't have a chair. We've made some changes and perfected it, you can say."

Shephard nodded slowly, although she didn't think it was possible for any form of torture to be "perfected."

"Oh, you humans are so pathetic. Torturing other humans because of the fear that some of them were evil, you humans were _afraid _of what the so-called "witches" would do to the population. No wonder no one likes your species, even humans don't like their own species it seems." The smug batarian eyed her as the other batarian that brought her to the room moved the dunking tool over and tied her to the end of the rope. She was now suspended over the water, her stomach and head facing down. Shephard's heart began to pound rapidly in her chest. Trying to look brave didn't feel like a possibility with this torture, Shephard grimaced as she gazed down at the dark, still water.

"Lower her down." The smug batarian ordered.

Shephard was lowered down into the water, she didn't struggle because she knew that it would just make the torture worse. The water was freezing, it almost knocked all the air out of her right when it made contact with her skin. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes. She could feel herself being lowered deeper and deeper into the water until the device finally stopped. The weight forced her down more, pulling her underneath as her body struggled to float towards the surface. She tried to remain calm, thinking about the time she had to dive into the unknown oceans of 2181 Desponia to search for Leviathan. Thinking of herself being able to survive that ordeal helped her relax. Shephard felt herself being lifted up again while the force of the weight wanted to pull her the opposite way. The pain didn't subside even when she was fully above water. She panted, trying to steady her breaths.

"That didn't seem to faze you at all, Shephard. Perhaps we should hold you under a little longer?" The smug batarian smiled cruelly, as he signaled her to be lowered underwater again. Shephard took in another deep breath right before her head went under. She sank down again as the weight continued to pull on her. The longer she stayed under, the less stable she became. She could feel her lungs start to panic for air. The pain panged in her lungs, making large bubbles form from Shephard's mouth. Her body needed air again, desperately. She forced herself not to struggle, but she could already feel herself become dizzy from the lack of oxygen. She accidentally swallowed some of the water in her struggle, making her choke. This caused her to panic even more under the water. She couldn't cough while under, causing her to lose even more air in her lungs as water entered her body. How long had she been under? Over a minute? Almost two minutes? All she knew is that the water started to churn in her windpipe and her lungs felt like they were shriveling up.

She was pulled out of the water at last. She started to vomit out all the water that she took in as she struggled to breathe. She coughed and hacked for what seemed like hours, until finally she was able to breathe normally again. It hurt when air filled her lungs, but she tried to ignore that and steady herself. At this point, it didn't feel like she'd ever feel steady again.

"Again." The smug batarian barked. He smiled in triumph; he knew that he had succeeded in finally beating Shephard.

* * *

They threw Shephard back into her cell. She was on the ground, coughing and sputtering as the feeling of drowning continued to linger in her mind. She felt waterlogged and exhausted as she tried to pick herself up from the ground. Her eyes locked with Kaylee, whom only looked terribly sad but didn't say anything. They were both silent for a long time until Kaylee took some of the pieces of cloth from her stash. She started to dry off Shephard, although the effort was fruitless because the cloths were too small. Shephard appreciated the gesture and mustered up a weak smile to show Kaylee that she was all right now.

"They finally broke you…" Kaylee said sadly, shaking her head with disgust. "They always manage to find a torture suitable to shatter someone's spirit."

"They didn't break me!" Shephard coughed.

"They'll probably do that same torture everyday for now on. That's how it usually goes, the first few days are just a trial." Kaylee informed her as she wringed out the cloths and folded them back in her stash.

Shephard's heart jumped in her throat at the thought of going through the dunking again. She felt misery spread through her entire body as she realized that dunking was now an inescapable part of her daily schedule, along with being hungry and thirsty all the time. She sat up against the wall and pondered this for a long time, not looking at Kaylee, but only down at her legs. Her jumpsuit was still soaked, making her shiver.

"You're going to catch a cold." Kaylee told Shephard. Shephard only shrugged in response. "Well going through all this is much worse when you're sick. Here, I'll see what else I can do to dry off your clothes." Kaylee busied herself searching through her stash, but Shephard wasn't paying attention. At this point she didn't care anymore.

Kaylee was right, they did finally break her.

* * *

The next day Shephard was taken from her cell again. The batarian pushed her down the cellblock aisles as they made their way down the familiar path to where she'd been taken many times before for different forms of abuse. She knew that they were going to take her to get dunked again which made her heart sink with dread. The fear of drowning and the pain was almost too much last time, not to mention the weight that pulled down as the dunking tool pulled her up. It was an experience that she wouldn't wish upon her worst enemy, not even these batarians that were performing the horrible acts. To her surprise the batarian left her outside one of the doors that led to one of the torture rooms of the prison, Shephard sighed inwardly with relief when she saw that it wasn't the dreaded "back room" that everyone feared in the prison. At least she knew that she wouldn't be getting involuntary brain surgery today. She sat down, as she saw that there were several others waiting outside of the room, which made Shephard curious but also uncomfortable. She prayed that they wouldn't be dunking all of these people.

"Shephard…" A hoarse voice rasped behind her. Shephard turned around to see a bony figure sitting and leaning against the wall. The figure had black, matted hair that covered most of the face, and was pale to the point where it looked like death could come at any moment. Shephard saw that the figure was a woman, although the prison jumpsuit on the woman looked about five sizes too big. This poor person had been starved to the extreme. Shephard studied her face when she suddenly realized who it was. Shephard's eyes widened as her mouth went dry in horror as she recognized who the sorry figure was. Shephard let out a shaky breath as tears started to form in her eyes.

"Miranda…" Shephard managed to whisper.


	5. Life As We Knew It

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you so much to Elissa Theirin for the review and the favorite! I'm glad you find the story interesting so far! :) Sorry for this chapter being shorter, I've been sick and I found this a challenging chapter to write for some reason. Thanks for reading, anyway! **

* * *

_"I wonder if I'll ever have to decide which is worse, life as we're living or no life at all." – Susan Beth Pfeffer (Life As We Knew It)_

* * *

2 months earlier:

The dinners on the Normandy had become quiet. After a month of being stuck on Illium had caused the crew's morale to drop a considerable amount. Liara had tapped into every resource had she had to find anything on Shephard being alive, but everything had come back empty. No one anywhere in the galaxy had any news on Shephard, which Kaidan found automatically suspicious. Kaidan continued to search for Shephrd but at this point the rest of the crew started to believe she was dead. They even lost interest in finding out information about the new Human Councilor Rahul too. No one spoke at the table; the only sound that was heard was from dishes clinking together or being set down on the table. The tension was so thick in the room that it felt that it could be cut with a knife. The Normandy gang just wasn't the same as it used to be. The meeting with Rahul had changed something in all of them. Kaidan couldn't take the silence anymore, and decided to speak up.

"Liara, have you found anything new? Updates on She-"

"No, Kaidan, I already told you." Liara cut in, icily. The atmosphere in the room had grown even thicker. Whenever Shephard was brought into a conversation everyone stiffened.

"When's the last time you checked?" Kaidan pressed.

"Just before we started to eat." Liara answered, trying to get him to drop the subject. Liara and Hannah Shephard were the only two on the ship that actually still believed Shephard was alive, but Liara didn't like discussing their hopes with the rest of the crew.

"Something new could've come in, I can go-" Kaidan started, he began to push back his chair.

"Oh, Keelah, Kaidan, stop it!" Tali suddenly erupted. She had stood up; her hands were pressed firmly to the table as she scowled at him through her helmet. Everyone froze, looking up at her. "I can't take it anymore, Kaidan! Let it go! Let _her _go! She's dead! It's making it so much harder to move on and grieve when you do things like this!" Her voice shook with emotion. She held her stare at him as if she was challenging him to argue back, but he was too taken aback by her sudden outburst.

"Tali-" Garrus reached out to comfort her, but she brushed him away.

"You know I'm right!" The quarian hissed at Garrus. She turned her attention back to Kaidan. "Let's face it, Kaidan… the Normandy isn't the Normandy without Shephard… there's nothing left for us to do. Searching for her is-"

"No, she's alive!" Kaidan's voiced boomed as he stood up to face her. Hannah had reached up a hand to gesture him to sit back down but he ignored her. "We have no proof that she's actually dead. There's still a chance-"

"ENOUGH, KAIDAN!" Tali shrieked. Kaidan could hear her muffled sobs from behind her mask. "It's over, and I'm through… I'm done pretending that we're still a team and that life hasn't changed at all. Let's be honest, here, nothing will ever be the same again." She was silent for a moment. "I'm done with all this, and it's about time I…" Her voice faded.

"What?" James piped up. Everyone stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

"There's a ship leaving Illium tomorrow. It's making a stop in the Perseus Veil. I'm going back to Rannoch."

Everyone was too stunned to speak. Tali stood among them, sobbing softly for what seemed like years until Liara went over to comfort her. Tali stepped away from her, not wanting her company.

"It's finalized. I'm leaving." Tali muttered.

"Tali… you…" Liara stuttered. She couldn't form any words, her friend was abandoning the crew and she couldn't think of any way to convince her to remain with them.

"I've made up my mind. There's nothing left for us here." With that being said, Tali turned on her heel and marched away. Garrus went after her, giving Kaidan a stressed side-glance before he was out of sight.

"Okay, everyone back to work." Cortez sighed, getting up and clearing his plate. Everyone else did the same and left Kaidan and Hannah standing alone in the mess hall. Hannah patted Kaidan on the shoulder, brining him out of shock for a moment. He wiped the sweat off his brow, his thoughts replaying everything that just happened.

"Let's go check for any updates on Adrienne." Hannah suggested. She gave Kaidan a weary smile and headed towards Liara's room. Kaidan didn't follow right away. Hannah stopped walking and turned around, wondering why he wasn't following her.

"Kaidan?"

"I'll be with you in a moment. I need to check on something." Kaidan answered, waving for her to go on without him. He had to go talk to Joker.

* * *

Kaidan found Joker sitting in his cockpit. He rarely left the cockpit since the meeting with Rahul, he barely even made it to join everyone else in eating meals in the mess hall together. The crew had grown worried about him, Kaidan included. Kaidan often came to check up on their pilot, but he always assured him that he was fine. This time Kaidan was coming to see if he knew anything about the ship Tali was leaving on.

"Joker? May I have a word?" Kaidan asked.

"Huh? Oh, sure." Joker mumbled, sulking in his chair.

"Tali is leaving the Normandy. She wants to return to Rannoch."

"Good of her."

Kaidan frowned. How was that a good thing?

"I think you misunderstood me, I-" Kaidan started to explain but Joker cut in.

"No, I understood loud and clear." Joker swiveled around in his chair to face Kaidan. "She's moving on, Kaidan. That's the healthy thing to do. She's not part of the Alliance, she can come and go if she pleases. I don't think Councilor Rahul will give a damn." Joker turned back around to face the flight controls. Kaidan stepped closer to Joker, starting to feel irritated by what Joker said. They never did get along since the SR-1, but they were never this bad off either. Ever since the SR-1 had been destroyed by the Collectors and since Shephard had gotten spaced because Joker refused to get on an escape pod, it had made the relationship between Kaidan and Joker become strained.

"After everyone that's happened, I find it impractical that she's abandoning-"

"Stop with the bullshit, Alenko. You're just upset that she's not helping you chase a ghost." Joker stabbed. Kaidan glared at Joker, jabbing a sturdy finger in his direction.

"Shephard is NOT dead! How can you give up on your Commander?" Kaidan shouted.

"I cared about her too!" Joker spun around to face Kaidan again. "I knew her longer than you did! She was family to me… and I hope…" Joker's voice faded. He looked over at his co-pilot chair, the one EDI used to sit in. "I hope what Rahul said about Shephard isn't true."

"What?" Kaidan asked.

"That she purposely killed all synthetic life…" Joker finished.

"Oh, Jesus, don't tell you you're starting to believe Rahul's lies." Kaidan huffed.

"We don't know if they're lies. Look, Kaidan, all I'm saying is just let it go. Let it all go. Tali has a right to leave if she wants to, and something tells me she won't be the last one. You need to stop with this 'Shephard lives' nonsense." Joker turned his chair around again and didn't add on anything else. Kaidan waited for a while but Joker was finished talking. With a frustrated sigh, Kaidan left the pilot alone.

* * *

The next day on the docking bay the crew were saying their goodbyes to Tali. She hugged most of them and cried as she got ready for her departure. Kaidan stood at a distance, still trying to process if what was happening was real.

"Don't tell me you're mad at her?" A voice startled Kaidan from behind. He turned his head to see Diana Allers walking up to him.

"No… I'm just having trouble believing that she's leaving the Normandy for good." Kaidan replied.

"Well, life as we all knew it has pretty much changed. Just from strolling around Illium I can see that something is different, not just here, but everywhere." Diana waited a minute to see if Kaidan would say anything but he remained silent. "You know, you should speak to Tali. It's good to get some closure with her before she leaves." Diana headed toward Tali, leaving Kaidan alone.

Kaidan didn't end up going over to Tali. He hated goodbyes.

* * *

Back on the Normandy, Hannah, Kaidan, and Liara were all huddled in the Shadow Broker's room to check for updates. Liara typed busily on her keyboard as Kaidan and Hannah drifted in the back, looking over Liara's shoulder. Kaidan paced back and forth, feeling impatient the more time passed.

"I can't find anything on Shephard or Rahul. It's strange, it's like their slates have been wiped clean or something." Liara studied the computer screens, not really looking frustrated, but more in awe by the inability of having no information on them. "It's usually so easy to find dirty secrets on policians like Rahul."

"So that's it then…" Hannah sighed, hanging her head in disappointment.

"Well I did find one piece of information that stuck out, although it has nothing to do with Shephard or Rahul." Liara brought up something on her screen to show them, but Kaidan wasn't really interested. They had hit another dead end and he was starting to feel the strain.

"Miranda Lawson, the ex-Cerberus agent and former Normandy crew member has been missing." Liara stated.

Kaidan's head snapped in the direction of the computer screen. He peered over Liara's shoulder to see a picture of Miranda on her screen. Missing? Kaidan knew from Shephard that Cerberus had been after her after she quit, but Cerberus was long gone now.

"Who?" Hannah asked.

"She was a friend of Shephard's. She was the head of Project Lazerus, the project that reconstructed Shephard." Liara informed Shephard's mother. "She's been missing for about nine months."

"Does it say if she was taken or in hiding?" Kaidan asked.

"I believe it was a kidnapping, but I don't have a location." Liara shook her head.

"Do you think she's with Adrienne?" Hannah asked hopefully.

"I don't know, it doesn't seem that likely." Liara replied, wishing that she didn't have to be so negative in front of Shephard's mother.

"I don't think we're ever going to find answers sitting in front of a computer. I think it's about time we be more assertive." Kaidan had a sudden epiphany. Liara and Hannah looked over at him, puzzled.

"The plan was for Rahul _not _to realize we were trying to find information on him." Hannah reminded him.

"It's not giving us the results we need. I have an idea." Kaidan answered.

"Go on." Liara gestured him to continue with her hand.

"We can send someone undercover to gather information, and I know just the person who can do it." Kaidan smiled, finally things started to look up again.

* * *

"Okay, so let me get this straight. I'm supposed to go over to Rahul, requesting an interview in his apartment, then keep him busy enough to where he doesn't realize that I'm going through his stuff?" Diana said as she cocked her head over to the side, trying to take in Kaidan's plan. Kaidan, Hannah, and Liara had went down to where Diana stayed on the Normandy and had gone over the plan with her.

"That's right." Kaidan nodded.

"I don't know, Alenko. This seems like a hell of a long shot." Diana crossed her arms and gave Kaidan a skeptical look.

"We're running out of options. Plus, you're the best news reporter out there, if anyone can get someone to talk, it's you." Kaidan assured her.

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Diana answered, waving her hand in the biotic's face to dismiss the idea.

"Please, Ms. Allers." Hannah begged.

Diana moaned in annoyance. "I'd much rather do a story on how the Normandy is breaking up."

"The Normandy isn't breaking up. Look, we'll be there to communicate with you the whole time and walk you through it." Liara added.

Diana sighed and placed her hands on her hips, looking them over to see if they were serious one last time.

"Okay, fine." Diana gave in. "Let's just go over the plan once more."


	6. Everything Has a Price

**Author's Note: **

**Hello there, Guest! To answer your question, all will be revealed as the plot thickens. I don't want to give too much away about Rahul too early :)**

* * *

Diana, Kaidan, and Liara stood on the Normandy's docking bay, prepping for the mission. Diana fidgeted nervously while her hovering camera floated idly by. Diana had done hundreds of interviews before, but this was her first time doing an interview to covering up a stealth-like operation.

"Here." Liara said as she handed Diana a tiny earpiece. "These are what Shephard used when she was with Kasumi during their heist at Hock's mansion. Kaidan and I will be guiding you every step of the way."

"Remember, get him talking a little bit, then see if you can get him comfortable enough to leave the room so you can go through his things. You'll need to be discreet but also quick." Kaidan reminded her.

"But first he's going to have to let you in for an interview, that'll be the hard part." Liara added.

"Do you think Rahul will like talking to the press?" Diana asked.

"He always seems to be giving press interviews, and most of them aren't very positive because of his decisions he's made for the Alliance. If you approach him as a supporter he may accept the interview." Liara informed her.

Diana took a deep breath and flattened out her dress. "I'm ready."

* * *

Diana made her way deep into Illium, and closer to where Rahul lived. Diana could tell by the area that the wealthier inhabitants of Illium resided in this area. How they stayed wealthy after everything in the galaxy went downhill, she wasn't sure.

"So, which apartment is his? They all look pretty much the same to me." Diana asked into her earpiece.

"He lives in a big silver one in the plaza. There's usually a bodyguard standing by." Kaidan replied. Kaidan and Liara were in Liara's room back in the Normandy. Kaidan was communicating with Diana while Liara was tracking everything on her computer. Liara even had Diana's vital signs tapped. She watched Diana's heart rate speed up and slow down on the computer screen.

"Hmm. I don't see it yet." Diana reported, shielding her eyes from the bright lights of the plaza. She finally spotted a silver apartment and a mean looking bodyguard standing by. "Ah, yup. I think I've found it. His bodyguard doesn't look like he'll be easy to get by, though."

"Do whatever it takes." Kaidan told her.

"_Whatever _it takes? Damn, Alenko, did you send me to conduct an interview and search, or did you send me out here to sleep around?" Diana teased.

"You know what I mean. Be careful." Kaidan responded in a serious tone.

"You might be right, though. I may actually have to flirt my way into this one." Diana sighed. "Let's see if he'll take the bait." Diana sauntered her way toward the bodyguard, jutting out her hips with each step. The bodyguard glanced at her for a moment than took his eyes off her. She stood in front of him for a moment and gave him a sweet smile.

"What do you want?" The bodyguard grunted.

"Hello, there." She crooned. "My name is Diana Allers, you may recognize me from the Alliance's former network show _Battlespace._ I'm here to request an interview with Rahul Shrivastava."

"No more reporters." The bodyguard answered flatly.

"I'm not really a reporter, I'm more of a supporter. Councilor Rahul has had a lot of bad light shown on him." Diana told the bodyguard, running her fingers through her hair.

"Denied." The bodyguard stated.

"Shouldn't he be the one making the decision?" Diana asked, her voice low. She took a few steps toward the bodyguard. He finally eyed her up and down this time.

_Bingo. _She thought triumphantly.

She fluttered her eyelashes and ran her hand over the bodyguard's shoulder. "You enjoy working for him, don't you." She said. "He seems like such a great, generous man. I'd love to get to know you both." She stepped even closer to him; their chests only inches apart from each other. "If you ask Councilor Rahul if he wants to see me, I can make it worth your while.

The bodyguard gulped for a minute. "I-I suppose I can inform him that you're here…" He stuttered.

"Thanks, darling." Diana gushed as the bodyguard turned and went inside. Diana waited a minute to see if the coast was clear. "That was easy." She said into her earpiece.

"Almost too easy. Stay on your toes." Kaidan warned.

"Will do." Diana answered, inspecting her fingernails as she waited. The bodyguard returned and motioned her inside. She stepped into the building followed the bodyguard over to an elevator. Even inside the entrance of the building was impressive. This definitely was a place where the rich and powerful lived Diana thought.

"Take this up to the top floor. He's expecting you." The bodyguard told her, clutching onto her forearm for a moment. It made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as he lingered there. She fought not to show her disgust and gave him a kind smile. She felt like something wasn't right; maybe Kaidan was right about the bodyguard. Why did he change his mind about her so quickly? She wasn't that great at flirting, she barely even tried.

"Thanks." She said before boarding. The bodyguard's eyes roamed her body as the clear elevator doors slid shut. He gave her a strange smile that made Diana feel instantly uneasy. He watched her as the elevator began to climb upwards until she was out of sight. Diana shuttered. "That bodyguard gives me the creeps." She said into the earpiece. "I don't know why the feeling suddenly came on like that."

"Whatever the reason, watch yourself." Kaidan replied. "Is the camera ready to go?"

Diana looked back at her hovering camera. "Yeah, it never leaves my side."

"Good. Have it ready to record if you find anything." Kaidan told her.

"Yeah, because I don't know how to use a camera." Diana answered sarcastically. The elevator chimed as she reached the top floor, the doors slid opened. She stepped out into a long, metallic hallway. Lights lined up along the sides leading to the door to where Rahul lived. "I'm here." She said into her earpiece. She walked down the hallway. As she reached the door, it slid open; Rahul was waiting on the other side. He was dressed in a neat white shirt, and black slacks. He looked prepped and pampered like he was about to leave on a date.

_He wants to look good for the interview. _Diana thought as she stepped inside his apartment.

"Welcome, Ms. Allers." Rahul greeted warmly. He went over to her and shook her hand. "It's so kind of you to do this for me." He smiled at her, his strange eyes twinkling. "I'm hoping that more people like you will start to give me a chance. I know it's been a rocky start."

"Of course, Councilor." Diana replied, returning his smile. Rahul sat on one of his sofa's, Diana could tell by the material that it must've been worth a ton of credits. He motioned her to sit down. "Shall we get started then, Ms. Allers?"

"Sure." Diana said, making sure her camera was ready.

* * *

"It's been two hours and he's still talking." Kaidan informed Liara, feeling impatient and nervous. He started to pace around Liara's room again.

"Diana just hasn't had an opportunity to get him to leave the room so she can snoop." Liara soothed, although at this point she was feeling anxious too. She studied her computer screen that was tracking Diana's location.

"What if she doesn't get a chance? The whole plan would be for nothing." Kaidan groaned, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"Just give her a little more time." Liara responded. She bit her lip, deep in thought. "What if…" She started but didn't go on.

"What?" Kaidan asked.

"What if he was expecting her, like even before she went to the apartment. He knows she's part of the Normandy, that's common knowledge." Liara went on. "Maybe he knows that we're trying to find information on Shephard."

"How would he know that?" Kaidan questioned, dismissing her thought.

"Your relationship with Shephard kind of went public, Kaidan. He knows your ties to her. He might be expecting you to go after her somehow. But at the same time I don't see him hiding information on the whereabouts of Shephard, even if he doesn't like her. His views on her destroying synthetic life doesn't hide the fact that everyone in the galaxy would like to know if she was still alive or not. "

"Well then we can just dig up other things about him." Kaidan retorted. It was too late in the game now to doubt the objective. Diana was in the middle of the whole thing, and there was no way that he was going to pull her out now. "Let's just see if Diana can find anything out on Rahul."

"Okay…" Liara muttered.

* * *

Diana was starting to feel restless. Rahul talked and talked, but Diana wasn't really paying attention. She'd just nod and smile to pretend she was following the conversation. She knew she had to come up with some way to get him to leave her alone for a bit. She was afraid that Rahul would end the interview before she had a chance to look for evidence.

"Excuse me for a moment." Diana interrupted Rahul. "I'm really thirsty, and I'd like a drink if you don't mind." Diana asked sheepishly.

"Oh, of course. Let me fix you something. My apologies for not asking earlier." Rahul looked flustered and apologetic for not offering her anything. He stood up and walked toward his kitchen. Diana gave him a moment until he was out of sight, then quickly got up to search.

"I need to use your restroom, too. I'll be right back." Diana added, trying to cover all her bases.

"Okay." He replied from the other room.

"Okay, I'm finally going to start searching." Diana whispered into her earpiece.

"Okay, look for an office or something." Kaidan said with a sigh of relief. Finally the mission could really begin.

Diana started to go through his apartment. It was enormous, probably even bigger than the apartment that Anderson had given Shephard. At last she came upon a room stacked with books and monitors. She tiptoed in, praying that Rahul wouldn't catch her. She had no idea how'd she'd explain herself if he caught her snooping through his personal things.

"It looks like I've found an office." She muttered into her earpiece. "I'll see if I can get anything from these computers." She turned them on and started to search through them. "Huh, that's strange."

"What?" Kaidan asked.

"His computer isn't password protected. There's like no security at all." Diana told him as she continued to search.

"That is weird. Be careful, Diana." Kaidan replied. "Do you see anything suspicious?"

"No, it just looks like meeting schedules, speeches, and some Alliance stuff." Diana said, biting her lip as she concentrated on the screen. She heard a sound outside of the office, making her heart skip a beat. It sounded like Rahul was back in the room that they were having the interview in.

"Ms. Allers?" She heard Rahul call.

"Uh, just a second!" Diana called out nervously. "Shit…" She muttered to herself as she still searched his computer. "I have to leave soon." She mumbled into the earpiece. "Oh, hang on." She found a strange looking file on his computer, she opened it, but this time an authorization message popped up. "I found a secured file."

"Can you hack it?" Kaidan asked.

"No, sorry. I'm not very skilled with that stuff. But I can tell you the name of it. Hmm, _Operation Exodus_." Diana read.

"That's good enough for now, get out of there." Kaidan ordered.

"Yeah." Diana swiftly shut down the monitors and left the office. She returned to the main room, to find Rahul sitting on the expensive sofa, holding her drink. "I'm so sorry. My stomach was hurting."

"No problem, Ms. Allers." Rahul replied with a grin. His smile didn't seem impish but it made her uncomfortable for some reason. "Here you are." He handed her a drink in a wineglass. The drink was a deep, crimson red. It reminded Diana of blood. "It's some imported wine that my parents sent me about a year ago."

"Thank you." Diana said, accepting the drink. She felt uneasy about taking a sip from it for reasons that she couldn't figure out. Maybe she was being overly cautious, but something just didn't seem right. She placed the drink down on a coffee table set next to the sofa and readied her camera. "Let's pick up where you left off." Rahul noticed that she didn't drink the wine but he didn't say anything. It made Diana feel better that he didn't press her on the issue, usually when someone is insulted that you didn't drink something means it was spiked. Nevertheless she felt tension start to build in the room around her. She had to say something to him so he didn't catch wind that she didn't trust him.

"I'm sorry. I don't drink." She told Rahul, glancing over guiltily and the wineglass. She felt it was a lame excuse, but it was all she could think of. His eyebrows shot up in understanding for a moment. Rahul looked at her apologetically again.

"Ah, my bad. I should've asked you what you wanted." He stood up, and took the wineglass off the table. "What would you like?"

"Water's fine." Diana answered. She didn't think she could stomach anything else at this point.

"I'll be right back." He said as he left the room.

Diana waited a minute until he was gone before talking into her earpiece again. "Did you find anything out about the Exodus thing?"

"Liara's searching right now. If you can, try to get back in there. We might be able to help you hack into the file." Kaidan suggested. "It looks like our only lead right now."

"Well, we don't even know if it's evidence on anything malicious or Shephard." Diana said with a sigh. "I don't think we're going to be able to find anything on this guy."

"Don't say that. Why else would that be the only file password protected? Don't give up." Kaidan pleaded. "You're so close."

"All right, all right." Diana responded. She heard the elevator outside of the apartment suddenly chime, making her jump. "Looks like someone else is coming up to the apartment." She mumbled into her earpiece.

"Ah, crap. Who?" Kaidan asked. Great. All they need is another visitor screwing up the whole plan.

"Can you go see who that is, please? Sorry for asking you." Rahul called from inside his kitchen.

"Uh, sure." Diana agreed, getting up from the sofa to go to Rahul's apartment door. The uneasy feeling washed over her again, giving her a chill. Something told her to stay on the sofa but she ignored her paranoid thoughts. His apartment door slid open.

Diana's face drained of color as she gazed upon what was waiting on the other side. The barrel of a gun pointed directly in her face. She was too scared to focus on who was holding the weapon.

"Oh my G-" She started to scream, but she was cut off. A light flashed, followed by the deafening sound of a gunshot. Everything went black.

* * *

"Diana?! Diana!" Kaidan cried into the earpiece. With her omni-tool, Liara suddenly cut off the connection between their two earpieces. Kaidan heard the static on the other end. "NO! Diana!" He whirled his head around to face Liara. "What the fuck are you doing?! Why did you cut off the connection?!" He demanded.

"We couldn't risk being traced!" Liara shouted back at him. Her blue face had paled and she was shaking.

"She's in danger! We need to-"

"It's too late, Kaidan. She's dead." Liara told him, her voice shaking as much as her body. Kaidan stared at her in disbelief. "Whatever Diana stumbled upon… it's serious… and it proves us right about that Rahul is a bad person."

Kaidan tried to speak, but he couldn't form any words. It wasn't fair. They barely found out any information, and it had cost them the life of their friend, Diana. He shook his head, not believing it. It had all happened so fast.

"She could still be alive." Kaidan said, his voice coming out robotic.

"I have her vital signs on the screen." Liara informed him, pointing to the screen, tears welling up in the asari's eyes. Diana's vitals had flatlined. "She's dead, Kaidan."


	7. Stronger Than Fear

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you to Elissa Theirin for another review! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!**

**Sorry I didn't update sooner, I've been quite busy lately!**

* * *

**TW: Violence/abuse**

* * *

"Miranda… my God…" Shephard could only gape helplessly at her old friend. Miranda looked terrifyingly different like she would wither away right before her eyes. Shephard clutched Miranda's hand and felt how thin it had become. Her skin was so pale that it looked translucent. Shephard could practically feel Miranda's bones protruding from her hand as she held it in comfort.

"I was hoping that I'd never see you here…" Miranda said. Miranda's voice was so hoarse that it looked difficult for her to speak. "The batarians wanted to capture you… but I was praying that they'd never find you and bring you to this hell…"

Shephard shook her head, unable to find the right words to speak. Tears formed heavily in Shephard's eyes at the sight of her friend living in such squalor. Shephard tucked some strands of Miranda's hair behind her ears so she could get a better look at her face. Miranda's face had grayed and sunken in from the amount of weight she had lost. Her once flawless, full face now looked like it had aged twenty years. These batarians seemed even more monstrous to Shephard as the days went on. How could they do this to innocent people.

"Why did this happen?" Shephard managed to whisper.

"You still don't get it…" Miranda rasped with an air of cockiness that she's always possessed. She sucked in for air, struggling to keep herself breathing. For a horrible moment Shephard thought that she was going to pass out in front of her, but Miranda started to breathe steadily again after a little while.

"Get what?" Shephard pressed, clutching Miranda's bony hand tighter. Miranda's blue eyes seemed to have paled along with the rest of her. body She looked like a corpse staring back at her with lifeless and unfeeling eyes. Shephard felt almost terrified to be sitting next to this woman, her horrific transformation had almost scared her. She wanted the old Miranda back.

"This isn't a random prison to torture those who've wandered into the Terminus systems." Miranda continued. "The batarians are purposely capturing your past supporters. Anyone who was ever a fan of you eventually ends up here."

Shephard gaped at the former Cerberus agent's words. She suddenly feared that the batarians captured everyone on the Normandy. The thought of Kaidan being tortured or dead crossed her mind and filled her with dread.

"It can't be… is everyone on the Normandy… are they…" Shephard could barely bring herself to ask the question, she was too afraid of what the answer would be.

"No. They haven't caught anyone from the Normandy yet." Miranda answered. "But as for everyone else…" Her voice faded.

Rage pulsed through Shephard's body. She vowed she'd make these batarians pay, she was going to get Miranda, Kaylee, and everyone else out of this shitty prison and destroy it after everyone was evacuated. The batarians would be trapped inside as it blew to bits. Her anger naturally made her biotics flare up as the blue light illuminated off her body. Miranda's lifeless eyes actually widened with alertness when she did this. It took all her strength, but Miranda managed to lift her arm and tug on Shephard's hand to make her stop.

"Don't show off your biotics, or you'll end up like me." Miranda warned, she pleaded with her blue eyes to stop and Shephard managed to cease and calm herself down. Although Shephard wanted nothing more than to throw a Warp through the steel door and catch the bastards by surprise, she knew it was wise to hear Miranda out.

"What did they do to you?" Shephard demanded.

"They ripped my biotic amp out." Miranda replied, closing her eyes solemnly.

"They took you to the back room?" Shephard asked in horror.

Miranda chuckled darkly. "No, they didn't even give me the luxury of removing it surgically. They just tore it out."

Shephard lowered her head and closed her eyes in disgust at Miranda's answer. Everything was worse than she thought. Angry tears rolled down her face and hit the floor as she kneeled beside Miranda silently. Miranda didn't say anything else, she just kept quiet and breathed unsteadily as she was propped up against the wall. Shephard looked up again at Miranda. She was like a rag doll, she had no strength to move her body. She most likely suffered severe trauma from her biotic amp being ripped out, and yet she was still alive and able enough to speak and function. If it wasn't for her superior genes then there's a good chance that she'd be dead already.

Movement was heard from behind the door as the batarians began to approach again. Every prisoner outside the door stiffened in fear as the footsteps grew closer and closer. Whatever the batarians had planned for them was going into effect soon.

"Don't let them see us talking." Miranda told her hastily. She turned her head away from Shephard's direction as Shephard scooted away and back up against the wall. She peeled her eyes away from her debilitated friend, and tried to look like she hadn't moved since she was left.

"All right, you pieces of shit." A batarian shouted as he opened up the steel door. "You, you, and you." He pointed at three random prisoners sitting around. "You guys are the lucky ones selected to get spaced today." He said it so nonchalantly that it took a moment for everyone to process what he said.

Shephard's heart leapt to her throat. _Did I hear that correctly? _She thought. The selected prisoners began to cry and squirm in anguish at the news. Shephard couldn't believe what was happening. Shephard locked eyes with one of the prisoners as he was hoisted up by the batarian. This man, he had been a fan of hers, he had _depended _on her, and because of that he was trapped here. Now he was going to be spaced and die a horrible death out in the coldness of space. Helpless tears flowed down Shephard's face as she reached out of the prisoner. Another batarian had seen her reach out to him and went over and kicked her harshly in the abdomen. She hunched over and wheezed on the ground from the strike.

"And you'll get to watch." The batarian added, sneering and smiling cruelly as he looked down at Shephard. Shephard glanced back at Miranda, whom was still looking away. Shephard saw Miranda's lip quivering slightly as they were pulled behind the door to watch the poor souls get sent out the prison airlock. Just in that moment, Shephard confirmed what she had to do. She was going to get out of here.

* * *

Back in her cell she sat silently, leaning against the wall. Rage seethed through her as the replayed the horrific scene of the three prisoners getting spaced, Miranda's dying body, and how the batarians were purposely capturing her supporters to torture them. She wasn't sure what their motive was, if it was just pure hatred for what she did to the Bahak System, what she did to synthetic life, or something else. Shephard felt her self-control slip the more she thought about it. Her biotics flared up again, this time stronger than before. Shephard stood up, made a fist, and punched the cell wall in fury. A dent was easily made through the steel walls, rippling through the cell with power. Shephard readied to punch again when she felt her arm being pulled back.

"Adrienne! Stop!" Kaylee pleaded. "If they hear or see you doing this you'll be taken to the back room!"

"I'd like to see them try." Shephard growled, staring into Kaylee's petrified eyes. "I'd like to see them try to rip my biotic amp out, or strap me down to give me a lobotomy. I'm not afraid of them anymore."

Kaylee stared at her in mute horror, but she didn't release her arm. Shephard's biotics had calmed down because of the interruption, much to Shephard's disappointment.

"Don't pretend to be brave. It'll only get you killed." Kaylee whispered. "There's no hope of getting out of here, you know that."

"Yes there is. I'm going to find a way." Shephard promised. Kaylee didn't look convinced, but she nodded and let go of Shephard's arm. "Kaylee, do you know someone named Miranda Lawson?"

"No, why?" Kaylee asked.

"She's a friend of mine, and she's also been made a prisoner here. I need to find out where her cell is." Shephard explained.

"What good would-"

"I'm busting us out of here, Kaylee. Can you come up with some way to find out for me?" Shephard asked. Before Kaylee could answer, footsteps echoed the prison aisle. Without warning the batarians flung open their cell door and grabbed both Shephard and Kaylee. Kaylee let out a shriek in fear, causing her to get a baton strike to the face. Infuriated, Shephard broke free from the batarian's grasp and lunged at her friend's attacker. Shephard's braided hair was suddenly yanked backwards, causing her to yelp out in pain as the batarian continued to pull.

"You just made a big mistake." The batarian spat. Kaylee and Shephard were both taken in different directions of the aisle. Kaylee cried and reached for Shephard desperately, as Shephard fought to break free and save her. But it was pointless. Shephard lost sight of Kaylee as she was taken in a room.

* * *

Shephard lay on the ground, gasping for breath as she coughed up spittle and blood. Her left eye had completely swelled shut from being struck. Her bruised and beaten body lay twitching on the floor as the brooding batarians gazed down at her, holding their batons, ready to give them another swing at Shephard. Shephard had almost been beaten within an inch of her life and was having a hard time hanging onto consciousness. She feared what they were doing to Kaylee, but she prayed that it wasn't this.

"Well, well, well Shephard. It's probably no secret now what this place really is, now is it?" One of the batarians spoke. "Let's just say that the boss isn't a big fan of you, but I guess you can gather that easy enough. It's amazing what can be accomplished when a person of power dislikes someone."

Shephard couldn't answer. Her body was in too much pain, and she was losing too much blood to even have the strength. She felt a pulse from the back of her head; her body wanted her to flare up her biotics to defend herself out of instinct, but she fought against it. It wouldn't be safe to try and use biotics right now, she was far too weak.

"There'll be no more vandalizing the prison, do you understand? This will be your last warning." The batarian said. "Take her back to her cell."

Kaylee was already in the cell when Shephard was returned. To Shephard's surprise, the batarian that returned her smeared medi-gel on both Shephard and Kaylee, although it was of little relief other than to stop the bleeding. For whatever reason, the batarians wanted them alive for right now. Shephard guessed that they just wanted to beat them more before letting them die.

The poor girl looked like she went through the same beating as Shephard did. Shephard watched in dejection as Kaylee lay on their cell floor, rasping and sobbing. Their cell door was shut and they were left alone. Both were too battered to speak right away; they just laid there in their own misery and blood before they moved. The truth was they were afraid to move after what the batarians had put them through. Shephard thought of what Kaylee said, and that maybe she was wrong – being brave would only lead to things like this. Shephard continued to stare at Kaylee, feeling helpless and guilty for what happened to her. If she hadn't of lost her temper then she'd be fine right now.

After what seemed like an hour, Kaylee sat up. She moaned in pain as she did so, but she managed to hold herself up. Shephard did the same, but felt her body protest. She swore that she had some broken ribs, but she fought herself to sit up anyway. Kaylee then looked into Shephard's eyes, giving her a look that she'd never seen the young girl give before. It was a look of pure and fierce determination. Her eyes blazed like fire.

"You were right." Kaylee stated in a raspy voice. Shephard waited for her to elaborate for a moment, but Kaylee didn't go on, she just held Shephard's gaze with her burning eyes.

"What?" Shephard asked, unsure of what she meant.

"We need to get the fuck out of here." Kaylee finished. Shephard was caught off guard from her swearing, but she couldn't help chuckling at the sound of it. She would've thought Kaylee was kidding, but her determined eyes said otherwise. "Do you have a plan?" Kaylee pressed, sounding more like she was demanding then asking a question.

"No, not yet. But I can make one. First things first, I need to find out where Miranda is." Shephard replied.

"I'll take care of that." Kaylee informed her. "Just give me a few days."

Shephard nodded. She remembered that the batarians beating her had mentioned the "boss" again. She wondered if Kaylee knew anything about their leader. It would be a good idea to try to find out information on whoever was running this prison so Shephard could put an end to this reign.

"Do you know anything about their boss? They've mentioned the boss to me once before when they first kidnapped me, and again when they were just beating me." Shephard told her.

"No one knows who the boss is. I only know that the boss operates out of the prison." Kaylee replied, but she waved her hand to dismiss it. "That doesn't matter, what matter is getting out of here. And you were right, I'm not afraid anymore."

Shephard gave Kaylee a sad smile. "You realize how dangerous this is, right? There's a good chance that we're going to be killed. There's no going back once we start to take action. Do you understand?"

"I'm not afraid. We have hope, and that's way stronger than fear." Kaylee answered confidently.

Shephard promised herself that she'd save Miranda, Kaylee, and the prisoners that were trapped here, but above all, Shephard was going to make these batarians pay if it was the last thing she'd ever do.


	8. Lead Me Home

**Author's Note:**

**Wow! Thank you guttersnipe for the review, I'm glad you're looking forward to the next chapter!**

**Thank you to zulija for the nice review and the favorite! I can't believe my story actually gave you chills! That's amazing! **

**Thank you crystalhainline33 for the review, favorite, and adding me to your favorite author's list! I'm touched, that's such an honor! **

**And that you Elissa Theirin for another encouraging review! **

**Thank you all for the support on this story, it's really inspiring me to keep on writing :)**

* * *

_"Oh Lord in the darkness, lead me on my way" – Jamie N Commons (Lead Me Home)_

* * *

The plan was simple enough but extremely risky. Kaylee had kept her word and found out where Miranda's cell was located. During the usual downtime they'd travel through the vents to Miranda's cell then to one of the few escape pods located on this prison ship. It wasn't the best plan, but after pondering for days it was all Shephard could come up with. It was a long shot, but Shephard didn't have any other choice. She would cripple this place so the other prisoners could get out and start a riot.

Shephard glanced over at Kaylee, whom looked like she was slightly shaking from nerves. She was sitting next to the dead asari, which was starting to get a little bloated from being dead for so long. Looking at the body only gave Shephard more of a desire to get out of here.

"Ready?" Shephard whispered to Kaylee.

"Huh?" Kaylee questioned, snapping her head over to Shephard. For a moment Shephard swore she could see the young girl's heart visibly beating in her chest.

Shephard gave her a small smile, hoping that it would ease her. "I asked if you're ready." Shephard repeated in a soothing voice.

Kaylee only nodded and gulped. Shephard stood up then proceeded to take off the bar guard from the cell vent. Every cell had large vents on the ceiling that were big enough for a human to crawl through at least. Kaylee told her that there'd been attempts of escapes from the vents before, making Shephard feel uneasy about their chances of success. But there wasn't another way that they could make their escape undetected. Shephard took a deep breath and flared up her biotics. The familiar blue energy radiated off her body as she gathered it and focused on her target. She chambered her hand then whipped a fierce Throw at the vent. It easily popped off, but was louder than she wanted it to be as it clanged around the steel cell. Both girls cringed at the sound and waited, frozen in fear that the batarians would show up. Lucky for them, not a soul arrived at their cell to punish them.

"All right." Shephard said breathlessly. They had accomplished step one, now it was time to fully go through with the rest. She leaned over and positioned her hands so they could boost Kaylee up. Kaylee put one foot on her hands and clung onto Shephard's shoulder for balance. Shephard lifted her up in the vent, then waited for Kaylee to extend her arm so she could jump and grasp it. Shephard was afraid that Kaylee wouldn't be strong enough to hold her weight, so she used a little biotic boost to spring herself higher than normal. They were both in the vents now, staring at each other and laughing nervously. They didn't expect to make it this far.

"Okay, lead the way." Shephard told Kaylee, signaling with her hand to go ahead.

* * *

Kaylee and Shephard crawled through the vents, trying to be as quiet as they could. It was darker than Shephard thought it was going to be, but by now her eyes adjusted enough for her to kind of see where she was going. The vents were terribly hot, Shephard felt like she was cooking inside of them. Sweat dripped off of her body, as her sweaty palms slipped around as she crawled through the vents. They were also tricky like a maze, Kaylee had told her that many failed escaping just from getting lost and wandering aimlessly in them until they died. Remembering the story made Shephard shudder as she pushed it out of her mind.

After a long time Kaylee stopped directly above a cell vent. She peered down, then glanced back at Shephard and gave her a thumbs-up. They were finally at Miranda's cell. Kaylee scooted up so Shephard could look down and see. She saw Miranda's limp body lying under the dim red light. Shephard flared up her biotics and grasped the bars of the vent. Her deteriorating muscles seemed to bulge back to life for a moment as she pulled with all her might. The vent guard finally ripped off, making Miranda look up lazily at what was going on. Shephard jumped down into her cell, and made a shushing motion with her pointer finger so Miranda would be quiet.

Miranda studied her with pained and uncaring eyes. The ex Cerberus agent closed her eyes solemnly, then lolled her head to the side. She didn't protest or ask what was going on, she just didn't _care _what was happening anymore. Miranda's apathy made Shephard feel pangs of sadness in her heart. She went over and picked Miranda up and carried her in a piggyback style. Miranda's limp arms dangled past her neck while Shephard held her skinny thighs up. Shephard gazed up at Kaylee, whom didn't look very confident in Shephard's ability to get both her and Miranda up to the vent. Shephard flared up her bitoics, this time concentrating harder. She bent her knees then took a flying leap upward, praying that she didn't smash her head on the cell ceiling. She flung herself up to the vent, while Kaylee grabbed for her and Miranda so they wouldn't fall back down again. Shephard missed the ledge of the vent and reacted on instinct by grabbing it with her hands. She realized that she had let go of Miranda, but Kaylee had grasped Miranda's arm and prevented her from crashing back down to the cell floor. It scared Shephard how easily Kaylee was holding Miranda up, she didn't even look like she was struggling with the weight at all.

"Nice save. I'm sorry." Shephard told both girls, taking Miranda and placing her back on her back. Miranda didn't respond.

"Why haven't we run into any of the batarians yet?" Kaylee asked in a serious voice.

"Because the plan is working. Keep going." Shephard dismissed, motioning Kaylee to continue to lead the way. Shephard couldn't help but think that Kaylee was right, it all seemed too good to be true. They hadn't come when she had used biotics to knock off the vent or when she'd broken into Miranda's cell. Yet when Shephard had punched the cell wall that one time, the prison guards were right on top of it.

"You'll never… make it…" Miranda's gravelly voice piped up.

"Have a little faith." Shephard said, startled that Miranda actually spoke.

"You don't… understand…" Miranda continued, but her voice trailed off. Shephard waited for her to go on, but she stopped talking. Shephard shrugged off her warning, dismissing it as Miranda just having a hopeless attitude.

After a long time crawling through the vents, Kaylee stopped. She looked back at Shephard, and pointed ahead at an opening where some light was pouring through. They had made it to the hallway that would lead them to the escape pods. Shephard was so ready to get out of these smoldering vents. She crawled ahead of Kaylee, trying to squeeze herself and Miranda by the young girl. Shephard thrust her biotics to break the vent guard opening.

Shephard crawled out, her head down and grunting at the tight fit because of Miranda being on her back. Kaylee was right behind her. Shephard stopped when she realized there was a group standing over them, casting a shadow down on them. Shephard slowly peered upward; to her regret there was a group of batarains leering down on her, guns pointed directly at their faces.

"On your feet." One of them barked. Shephard gently let Miranda off her back, laying her on the ground. She stood up, her hands raised. Kaylee did the same, but was trembling from head to toe. They had failed.

_How the hell did they know we were coming here? _Shephard thought, cursing herself for not thinking of a plan B. _It's like they knew what we were doing the whole time! _

"Keep Shephard alive, but shoot the other two in the legs. We'll bring them in the back room so they can die slowly." A batarian said in a hushed order to the other batarians. Shephard felt her blood run cold. They were so close, it wasn't fair. She heard one of the batarains cock his gun as he loaded it, the sound seemed to make something click in Shephard's head.

She flared up her biotics, and within an instant threw a Singularity at the batarains. Guns misfired and yelps of pain echoed from the group as the biotic energy hit them head on. Shephard turned and swiftly picked up Miranda. Kaylee was frozen in awe, watching as some of the unlucky batarians got their bodies ravaged by the twisting and turning force of the Singularity. Sickening sounds of snapping bones and tearing flesh echoed over the cries of pain.

"Kaylee!" Shephard cried. Kaylee snapped her head over to Shephard, whom was already ready to dash down the hallway. Kaylee's eyes were as big and round as dinner plates as she stared back at Shephard, dumbfounded and immobile. "We have to fucking move!" Shephard demanded. Kaylee finally forced her joints out of submission and ran over to join Shephard.

"STOP THEM!" Shephard heard a batarian yell before they ran out of earshot. An alarm started ringing throughout the prison; its high-pitched sounds deafened Shephard as she struggling to get ahold of herself.

"The escape pods are this way!" Kaylee shouted, pointing down the steel hallway. They'd have to make a sharp left up ahead until they reached their destination. Shephard could hear running footsteps follow behind them. A bullet whizzed by Shephard, making her slow down and flinch for a moment.

Shephard spun on her heel, trying not to drop Miranda. Shephard screamed in frustration, letting out another Singularity down the hallway. The Singularity was a direct hit, pulling two of the batarians into its unforgiving force. There were two more batarians that were still quickly approaching, dodging past the Singularity. They snarled in anger as they started to rapidly fire their guns in the escapee's direction. Shephard and Kaylee turned to make another mad dash down the hallway, when Kaylee let out a shrill cry in agony, and fell forward. Shephard came to a skidding stop as her friend fell over. She glanced at Kaylee lying on the ground, gingerly favoring her right foot. She'd been shot in the Achilles heel by one of the bullets.

"Shit!" Shephard uttered to herself. Shephard's nose had started to gush blood from overusing her biotics, but Shephard hadn't noticed in her fighting state. Shephard sent a Pull at one of the batarians, disarming waited impatiently for her bitoics to recharge so she could disarm the other batarian that was still trying to fire his weapon.

Kaylee stared up at Shephard. Fearful tears freely flowed down the girl's face, but her eyes still had a hint of fierce determination in them. "You need to keep going, Shephard! Save your-" A bullet suddenly came bursting out of Kaylee's forehead, leaving a trail of blood and a perfectly circled exit wound in her forehead. Kaylee's lifeless head slumped foreword, her expression forever frozen with her determined face as it hit the prison floor. Blood and brain matter seeped through the giant hole that the bullet had made. Kaylee's blonde hair was now stained dark crimson as a pool of blood formed around her body. Kaylee was killed instantly.

Shephard was too stunned to react, not believing what she'd just witnessed. A bullet ricocheted off the wall, and bounced at her feet, making Shephard snap back into reality; enraged, Shephard screamed and sent a Shockwave down the hallway, destroying everything in its path. Shephard aimed her bitoics at the hallway ceilings and walls, forcing them to collide into each other so the batarians path would be blocked. Shephard reluctantly turned the opposite way and made the sharp left down the hallway. The batarians had been slowed down, but just in case Shephard cast another Singularity. The escape pods were lined up neatly down the hallway. Shepard hastily jumped inside and shut the pod door. She laid Miranda down, and starting tapping on the controls to get them the hell out of here. Shephard went to work, trying to block out the alarm sounds.

"Let me off! Please!" Shephard hollered at the controls, pounding on them furiously as the escape pod hummed to life. Shephard wanted to stop and mourn Kaylee, but she couldn't at a time like this. If she slowed down now, the batarians would get all of them, and her death would be in vain.

Shephard heard shouts approaching the pods. She cursed under breath, and looked back at the flight control screen, praying that it would hurry up.

A command came on the screen. All escape pods were set on auto-pilot and were all on course to head toward Omega. The escape pod flew off, leaving the batarians in the dust. Shephard wished she could've destroyed the base on a rampage so the batarians wouldn't follow her, but she was too desperate and keen on escape. Caught up in her adrenaline and sadness, Shephard had completely forgotten about Miranda's weakening state. Shephard looked back at the limp body laying on the ground.

"Miranda?" Shephard said as she knelt beside her body. Miranda was unresponsive. Tears started to streak down Shephard's cheeks, as she shook Miranda's body, pleading for her to open her eyes. "Wake up! Please wake up! Miranda!"

* * *

Shephard woke up next to Miranda's body. She sprung up realizing that she was still in the escape pod. Her eyes felt swollen as she rubbed them, trying to rethink everything that had happened earlier. Shephard made her way over to the flight controls, her joints and muscles tugging in soreness. They were about an hour out from reaching Omega. Shephard prayed that the batarians weren't hot on her trail, but she knew it was very likely that she'd be hunted down. Shephard glanced back at Miranda's still unconscious body. Shephard had been trying to wake her, but she her body had collapsed from exhaustion and overworking her biotics.

Shephard made her way slowly back to Miranda, praying that she wasn't dead. Shephard sat down beside her, checking for any sign of life. Miranda's chest was barely rising as she breathed shallowly. Miranda was dying and Shephard had to get her treated at soon as she could. Shephard slumped to the ground an curled up in a ball, feeling helpless. She began to sob as she remained in the fettle position. Nothing had went according to plan. Kaylee had died, she hadn't destroyed the base, the rest of the prisoners were still trapped there, and now Miranda was dying right before her eyes.

"Please… no more. I can't take it anymore." Shephard sobbed aloud. "I want to go home. I want to go home." She repeated again and again like she was a sniveling child. She felt extreme fatigue wash over her again, but she didn't fight it off. She let herself drift off. She thought of Kaidan and how much she wished he was here. He'd would've known what to do. Shephard wiped her nose, smearing the blood all over her hand and across her face. Her tears mixed in with her blood as she continued to lay on the floor.

"Kaidan." She whispered to herself. "I need you…"


	9. Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you so much zulija for another review! I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter!**

**And thanks again Elissa Theirin for another review! And I don't think that at all XD I look forward to your reviews!**

**Sorry for not updating sooner, I've had a lot on my plate lately, not to mention horrible writer's block. I meant to have the chapter finished and updated on the 11th (Shephard's birthday!) but it didn't work out that way :/ This is a flashback chapter, enjoy!**

**EDIT: Thank you to Jules Hawke for correcting me on how to spell 'Shepard'. I can't believe I was spelling it wrong this whole time! Sorry for the mistakes! **

* * *

"You're lucky you can pull off red lipstick." Ashley Williams said to Shepard as she observed herself in the mirror. Shepard and Williams were scrunched together in the women's bathroom on the SR-1. The bathroom was small and there wasn't much space for the two femme fatales to get ready for a fun night out at Flux, but they laughed and enjoyed themselves the entire time. It had been ages since they had time to feel like girls again.

"Hey, you look great with pink." Shepard laughed, holding up some pink lipstick for her friend.

"Yeah, great. What's even the name of this color? 'Pussy pink'?" Williams jeered at the makeup. Realizing what she said, both women sputtered out in laughter to the point where tears ran down their cheeks. Williams wiped her eyes, careful not to smudge her newly applied eyeliner. "Lord… I didn't mean it to come out that way."

Shepard tried to retain herself, gasping for breath so she could swallow her fits of laughter. "If you keep making comments like that, I might have a stroke." Shepard laughed. Shepard studied herself in the mirror, running fingers through her long, black hair. It easily fell past her shoulders and ran down past the middle of her back, shining under the bathroom light.

"I wish I had your hair. How does it stay so naturally straight?" Williams told Shepard with exaggerated envy. She stuck out her lower lip in a pout as she messed with Shepard's hair.

"I can thank my father for that gene." Shephard replied with a smile, playfully flipping her sleek hair.

"The great Shōta Yamaguchi? I don't remember his hair being so fabulous." Williams said as she swatted at Shephard's hair. "Wait 'til LT gets a load of you." She said with a whistle.

Shepard's face went scarlet at the mere mention of Kaidan Alenko. She turned her head away from Williams so she wouldn't see her blushing face, and busied herself with applying light bronzer to her high cheeks. She had developed a silly crush on the Sentinel, a crush that she constantly tried to deny, especially in the presence of Ashley Williams. There was some scuttlebutt spreading around the ship that Kaidan had a his eyes on a woman. Shepard couldn't help but wish it could be her.

"Ohh, looky there. Are you blushing Commander? I thought you were done being such a mouse." Williams teased.

"Knock it off, Chief. Kaidan doesn't like places like Flux, so I doubt he's even going to come." Shephard replied, giving her friend a cautionary sideways glance. "I thought this was going to be a girls night out." Shepard stepped back from the mirror to observe herself. She wore a black dress along with some black heels. She hoped she didn't look like she was attending a funeral. Her red lips stuck out, drawing all the attention to her face.

Williams tapped her on the shoulder, interrupting her from her thoughts. "Let's go." Williams said with an eager smile. "Shouldn't keep LT waiting too long." She added as she left the bathroom.

"I doubt he'll be there, and us getting together wouldn't be appropriate." Shepard told her friend. She said it in a hushed voice so no one else would pick up on the banter. The last thing she needed was more gossip about her being spread around the Normandy.

"Oh, please. Whatever happens, I'll be there to back you up."

"Huh?" Shepard questioned.

"Us girls always have to look out for each other. We'll always have each other's backs." Williams explained with a confident smile.

"Always." Shepard agreed.

* * *

Shepard lazily made her way downstairs in Anderson's apartment, well _her_ newly appointed apartment. A loose robe was draped around her shoulders, untied in front, revealing her bra and underwear that she usually wore as pajamas. She rubbed her eyes as she tried to wake herself up. Glyph came hovering by to greet her, she yawned and nodded drowsily in response. She turned the corner to find Joker cooking eggs from a skillet in the kitchen.

"Good morning…" Joker started, he saw her attire and his voice gradually trailed off. Surprised to see him, she quickly covered herself with her robe. "Sorry. I should've told you I was here." He smirked.

"Yeah, no kidding." Shepard replied, but she couldn't help but smile. Shore leave had put her in a great mood, it was nice to wake up normal instead of worrying about the Reaper threat that was hanging over her head constantly.

"Alenko upstairs?" Joker asked, although his smirk told her that he already knew. Shepard only rolled her eyes at him then peeked over the counter and into the skillet. "I'm making your favorite, sunny-side up."

"I like them poached."

"Since when?" Joker scoffed.

Shepard only laughed, leaned back against the counter. She glanced around, noticing that EDI wasn't present. "Where's EDI?"

"Oh, she's all caught up on getting me a gift." Joker replied, his voice dropping a few decibels as he spoke. His smile faded as he pushed the eggs around with the spatula. "She's… something else…" He muttered, his voice barely audible.

"Hmm?" Shepard inquired, making herself a pot of coffee.

"EDI. She's special… she's-"

"You love her." Shephard finished, taking a lingering sip from her coffee mug. Joker was never great at expressing his feelings. Shepard smiled at him, understanding how he felt. Joker kept his green eyes downcast, still concentrating on the eggs. "It's okay to feel that way, even for you." Shepard smiled at him, happy for their relationship.

"Eggs are done." Joker cut in, avoiding the topic. He picked up the skillet and spatula and pushed the eggs onto a plate. He gimped over to Shephard and placed it next to her.

"Joker…" Shephard began, taking out a fork from the drawer to eat her eggs with.

"I know, Shephard. Just…" He sighed. "Promise me you'll keep her safe? With everything that's happening, you know with the Reapers and all. She'll want to follow you into war."

Shepard listened to him in silence, already knowing what he was going to say.

"All I'm saying, keep her safe. I don't know what I'd do if…" Joker's voice trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

Feeling sentimental, Shepard placed her coffee mug on the counter and walked over to her old friend. She placed her hands sturdily on his shoulders. "I promise I won't let anything happen to her."

Joker nodded, working his jaw in thought as he broke free from her hold to wash up the dishes. Shepard watched as he busied himself in the kitchen to keep from getting emotionally. Shepard smiled and left the kitchen, catching a glance from him over her shoulder before she left.

"You promise?" His voice called from the kitchen.

"Promise!" Shepard called back.

* * *

Shepard waited outside Commander Bailey's office, crossing her arms and pacing as she started to grow impatient. Thane had died in the hospital only a few days before, but before he passed away he asked if she'd make sure his son was well taken care of. Shepard really didn't have the time to babysit her former friend and assassin's troubled son, but she felt especially obligated. Thane's death weighed heavily on her conscience, she prayed that Bailey would have pity and help.

"Hello, Shepard. Sorry for the wait." Bailey said with a weary smile, extending his hand.

Shepard took his hand with a strong grip and shook his hand. "Good to see you, Armando."

"Why'd you want to meet with me? You havin' trouble with the Council again?" Bailey asked.

"No, no. It's more of a personal matter." Shepard replied, biting the inside of her cheek. There was go guarantee that Bailey would even help her out. "I need a big favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"Kolyat needs a fresh start, he needs someone to keep an eye on him. I know you're busy with the mess that Kai Lang has made, but Thane did help save the Council and expose Udina. It only seems fair." Shepard explained, trying to appease Bailey.

"Well, Kolyat did help me out a bit before. I suppose I can get him a job so he could rent an apartment on the Citadel so I could keep an eye on 'em." Bailey answered with a sigh, scratching the back of his head.

Shepard smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you. I don't know how to repay you."

Bailey shrugged. "You could start by keeping the Citadel safe, no matter what."

"You drive a hard bargain." Shepard said with a smile. "You know I will try my best. I won't let anything happen to the Citadel."

"Even in the middle of the Reaper threat?" Bailey asked, raising an eyebrow.

" 'Even in the middle of the Reaper threat.' "Shepard echoed.

* * *

"I can't thank you enough for your help with my sister, Oriana, Shepard." Miranda told Shepard. They were both in Miranda's room, as usual Miranda was hard at work on her computer. Shepard went to visit her after the mission to check up on her.

"Of course." Shepard replied with a smile.

"I didn't think you would help me, honestly. You are an only child. I didn't think you'd understand."

Shepard arched her brow, looking at Miranda skeptically. "That's really the reason you thought I wouldn't help?"

Miranda nervously fidgeted her elegant hands, avoiding Shepard's knowing stare. She finally sighed in defeat and looked back up at Shepard.

"I was a bitch towards you when we first met." Miranda started, forcing herself to keep eye contact. "You were always so kind and understanding since you've woke up from Project Lazarus. I was jealous of you. You didn't need any genetic makeup to be born a superior soldier."

Shepard listened intently to her words.

"I guess I'm trying to apologize and say… thank you." Miranda finished.

Shepard smiled. "I know it's sappy, but that's what friends do."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "You made it awkward and cheesy."

Shepard laughed, and Miranda joined her. After their fits of laughter, Shepard wiped a few tears from her eyes. Miranda continued to go to work on her computer.

"But, in all seriousness Miranda, don't hesitate to ask me for anything. You did bring me back to life after all." Shepard said, while making her way out of Miranda's room.

"Thank you, Commander." She heard Miranda saw before she left.

She owed a lot to Miranda. She hoped that she'd be able to repay her back for everything one day. Even if it meant her life. Shepard didn't like Cerberus, she never would, but Miranda felt separated from Cerberus to her. No matter their disagreements or backgrounds, Shepard would always try her best to help Miranda and keep her safe.

* * *

The night before the Normandy hit Earth had been a night of stress for Shepard. She had data pads littered all over her room, running all the numbers and double checking every battle formation and plan to invade Earth. Kaidan had come to ease Shepard's nerves. At first she didn't want him in the room, she felt like she was going to explode from anticipation, but she realized that this could be the last time she'd be with him. She took him in, needing an excuse to feel emotion again.

She needed to feel human again.

Shepard made love to Kaidan with hunger and desperate ferocity like she did all those years ago on the night before Illos. She greedily kissed him, gathering all of him up for herself. Kaidan had done the same, but let her take the reins first. Kaidan knew all her places on her body that made her melt, even if her body had changed since waking up from Project Lazarus. Shepard raked her hands through his hair, noting how it had started to grey. Her hips swayed as he kissed her on her neck; their naked legs tangled together through the bed sheets. They were like lovers coming together for the first time, but even their union couldn't keep all of Shepard's fears at bay.

She was having serious insomnia as the days shortened to the assault on Earth. Purple smudges etched under her eyes from fatigue that she hadn't bothered to cover up with foundation. As Kaidan lay on top of her, she struggled to push the immediate Reaper threat from her head. She stared up at the ceiling. It felt like the walls were going to cave in on her; she started to feel like she was suffocating. She bit her lip, fighting off the burst of anxiety the best she could. She clutched the nape of Kaidan's neck, making him stir. Tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"Hey… what's wrong?" Kaidan asked her softly, propping himself up and wiping the tears from her face. That gesture had done it. She broke down and started sobbing right as he touched her face. He sat up, pulling the distressed Shephard with him. He cradled her in his arms, rocking her back and forth soothingly. "It's okay, it's okay." He cooed.

"No it's not… I'm sorry…" She whispered.

"It's okay to be afraid, Shepard. We're all afraid. We'll be fine, you've done more than enough. We always pull through in the end." Kaidan soothed, burying his face in her hair.

"The nightmares won't stop."

"You've been having nightmares?" Kaidan questioned, pulling himself away from Shepard for a moment so he could look at her face. He wiped a few more tears from her cheek with his thumb.

"It's been the same dreams every night for months." She sobbed. "I'm running in a forest, the voices of everyone I let down all around me. God, Kaidan, they're like ghosts! Ashley's voice! She's-" Her voice was shaking too much to go on.

Kaidan didn't press her on to continue. He held her, stroking her bare back until she composed herself.

"There's a little boy I left on Earth that I couldn't save. I always chase him in my dreams, and when I finally catch him, he bursts into flames. I feel like it's a bad omen, Kaidan. A warning, I don't think we're going to-" Shepard rambled on.

Kaidan cupped her face in his hands. "They're just dreams, Shepard. That's all they are. We're ready to stop the Reapers."

Shepard's lip trembled as she looked back into his deep brown eyes. His thumbs stroked the side of her face softly. She tried to slow her breathing down, hiccupping from time to time.

"There's so many people that didn't make it because of me, Kaidan." She said in a weak voice. "So many promises I've made that I wasn't able to keep. What if I end up hurting even more people tomorrow?"

"Those deaths weren't your fault."

"What about Ashley? I _abandoned _her on Virmire by choice, and she knew I did it. She knew the reason… I think about her everyday, Kaidan." Shephard felt herself being choke by sobs all over again. The guilt she had about her choice to leave Ashley Williams followed her around for years. She couldn't escape Ashley's presence, she saw Ashley wherever she went.

"I think about her all the time, too." Kaidan replied, pulling Shepard into another soft embrace. "She wouldn't want you to feel this way." Kaidan sighed before continuing. "I know my words sound trite, and I don't think they offer much comfort… but you can't take all of this on your own. We're all here for you, Shepard. I'm here for you."

Shepard took in his words, trying to listen to them so it would ease the storm inside her. The ghosts that haunted her would never go away, she knew that, and accepted it. Little did Shepard know, Earth would only add to the ghosts and burdens that she'd face in the future.


	10. Risk

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you Jules Hawke for the review! I'm glad you're still reading it! And thanks again for correcting me on my misspelling of Shepard. I still can't believe I was spelling her name wrong the entire time! What is wrong with me?! **

**Thank you all for reading! Enjoy! **

* * *

_2 Months Earlier_

Kaidan watched the repeat vids of Rahul's press interviews addressing the murder of Diana Allers. James, Liara, and Hannah watched along with him. Kaidan felt anger course through his body as he kept his eyes locked on Rahul. Kaidan had his elbows propped up on his legs and his fists drawn to his lips as he continued to watch the news.

"The madman behind the murder of Ms. Allers is still at large. I fear that whomever came up to my apartment had intended to kill me, but instead killed her and fled before I could stop the gunman." Rahul said from the screen. He looked genuinely upset, wiping his eyes as tears formed in them. "I don't know how the perp got past my bodyguard, but I assure you that I'll get to the bottom of this."

"Bullshit…" Kaidan muttered, staring daggers at the recording of Rahul.

"He's a good actor, I'll give him that." Liara said aloud, sounding disgusted by the convincing performance that Rahul was putting on. "It was a setup, obviously, why does no one see that?"

"We have to expose that Diana's death was his doing, it's the only way to turn people against him." Hannah said. "I know our initial goal is to find my daughter, but we need to take down Rahul."

"I agree. That son of a bitch needs to pay for what he did to Diana." James added darkly.

"The only clue we have is _Operation Exodus." _Liara mentioned.

Kaidan stood up and left the room without saying a word. He stormed out of the room, feeling nothing but hatred, to the point where it felt like physical heat burning from behind his eyes. He felt a migraine coming on as his biotic amp buzzed along with his fury. He went into the men's room and splashed his face with some cool water from the sink to try and relax himself. His reflection looked like a much older version of himself. His hair had greyed even more on the edges, his eyes looked bloodshot and the edges more wrinkled, he had thick stubble on his face from not shaving for weeks. He wondered what Shepard would think of him if she saw the condition he was in nowadays.

He placed his face in his hands, trying to forget everything and just stay calm. Shepard was lost somewhere out there and he couldn't find her. Rahul was gaining more power and popularity by the day, making it even harder to prove that he was hiding something. The only clue they had was _Operation Exodus _but all the information was stored on his computer. Things just kept leading to dead ends.

Kaidan rubbed his heavy eyes, trying to forcefully clear the negative thoughts from his head. He looked back at his reflection, the bags under his eyes had gotten darker, they matched the sullen expression his face carried these days. He gripped the edges of the counter as a throbbing pain pulsed through his head.

Damned migraines…

He left the bathroom, almost running into Chakwas on his way out.

"Oh, excuse he, Doctor." Kaidan apologized.

"No worries." Chakwas replied, looking a little flustered. She eyed the biotic for a moment, growing serious as she studied his weary face. "You haven't been taking those sleeping pills that I gave you, have you?" She questioned.

"I can't afford to sleep now, Doctor. I can't lose anytime looking for Shepard."

Chakwas sighed. "Shepard used to do the same thing, Lord knows the amount of sleepless nights she's had on this ship." Chakwas smiled at the memories. "I actually came to tell you that you're needed in the War Room."

"What for?" Kaidan asked.

"I don't know, most of us are reporting there right now."

They both walked into the room to find everyone already assembled. Garrus and Cortez were standing in front of them all. Garrus saw Kaidan and Chakwas enter then cleared his throat so everybody would pay attention.

"Cortez and I have got a bit of news." Garrus began.

Everyone fell silent, waiting for the turian to go on.

"We're leaving the Normandy." Cortez finished cautiously.

Everyone gasped, some even opened their mouth's to protest, but Garrus raised his hand to silence them. Kaidan couldn't believe what he's heard. First Tali leaves the ship, and now Garrus of all people? And Cortez? Two people that had been some of Shepard's loyalist friends were leaving the ship. Kaidan couldn't help but feel betrayed.

"I'm returning to Palaven to help with the rebuilding effort." Garrus added on.

"I'm retiring from the Alliance. I think it's time that I try to lead a normal life amongst all the chaos." Cortez chimed in.

"Why so suddenly?" Traynor asked. "Is it because of what happened to Diana?"

Garrus and Cortez both shifted in place uncomfortably. Kaidan grew angry, knowing that Diana's death was the reason. Abandoning the Normandy now was just cowardly, he thought to himself, but he let them go on.

"Rahul is not someone to mess with, and the Normandy just isn't what I'd call home anymore. I just need to get away from all this… there's too many ghosts on this ship." Cortez added, looking at everyone with sad eyes.

"If you two leave now, Diana's death will have been in vain." Kaidan interjected. "And what about Shepard? She's still out there somewhere, she needs us!"

"Diana died because we bit off more than we could chew. Rahul is too high up to mess with, and we have no proof that he's even a bad person. And Shepard is dead, Kaidan. I don't have the energy to go on living this fantasy any longer. I'm sorry." Garrus retorted.

"It's not a fantasy!" Kaidan snapped.

"You're not the only one who cared for her, Alenko. I loved her, too! So did Steve! But I won't stand here and go on a meaningless chase throughout the galaxy. It's time I return home, see my sister, and help rebuild my home planet." Garrus argued back, his mandibles flapping with annoyance.

"But what about _Operation Exodus_?" Hannah chimed in, attempting to ease the tension.

"It's all pointless." Garrus shook his head. "It could be more Alliance strategies, or councilor business. We're only leading to dead ends going after a man that we know nothing about."

"We can't even begin to guess what that even is." Cortez agreed. "I'm sorry, but this is the way it has to be."

"Fine." Kaidan concluded, his fists clenched at his sides. His migraine was becoming worse. The crew watched as Garrus and Cortez left the ship, their belongings already packed and ready to leave. Judging by everything, the two of them had been planning on leaving for a long time. Kaidan felt a sickening weight form in the pit of his stomach. The Normandy was falling apart around him, and he was powerless to stop it.

* * *

The few of them left stood in front of the memorial wall. Traynor added Diana Allers name to the list, a week after she'd been killed. Kaidan scanned the crew, only James, Liara, Traynor, Joker, Chakwas, and himself were left. It didn't seem right, Tali, Garrus, and Cortez had left, Diana, Javik and EDI were dead, and the rest were missing just like Shepard. Staring at the bold letters of Diana's name made Kaidan feel the rage return in his stomach.

"Let's call it a night." Joker sighed. He gimped away and everyone else departed, all except for Kaidan, Liara and Hannah.

The three of them waited in a gloomy silence for a while. Kaidan finally turned to face the two women, his eyes ablaze with anger.

"I'm going after Rahul." Kaidan announced.

Hannah and Liara glanced at each other. Liara bit her lip in uncertainty while Hannah fidgeted with her hands.

"I don't think that's a good idea with what happened to Diana." Hannah muttered.

"I'm not saying to go on a stealth mission, I mean I'm going in there armed and ready to blast his apartment to bits." Kaidan answered.

"Rahul is the human councilor and the leader of the Alliance! You'll be arrested, dishonorably discharged, or worse!" Liara protested. "The risk is much too high."

"It's the only way to find anything out about whatever _Operation Exodus _is, and maybe even find out something about Shepard." Kaidan retorted.

"Well you can't do it alone, it's far too dangerous. With Garrus gone, I don't think there's anyone else that'll accompany you on the mission." Hannah said.

"There is someone." Kaidan replied.

* * *

The three of them took the elevator down to the Shuttle Bay. James was working at his workbench. It looked like he was upgrading some of his firearms, but he looked distracted while he was working. He heard them come in, and turned his head to glance over his shoulder.

"What's up?" He asked in a slightly morose and gravelly voice. Diana's death and Garrus and Cortez leaving was hitting the crew hard. Kaidan couldn't help but notice how empty the Shuttle Bay seemed without Cortez.

"I need your help, Vega. I'm going after Rahul, and this time it's going to be a straight up gunfight. No more tip-toing around." Kaidan told him.

"I'm in." James answered without hesitation. "That fucking bastard deservers to be punished after what he's done to Diana."

"You two actually don't plan on really killing him?" Liara asked, sounding appalled by the very idea.

"It depends what happens. If he fires upon us, then we won't have much of a choice. What matters is exposing who he really is, finding out more information about the _Exodus_ thing, and maybe even finding a clue about where Shepard is." Kaidan told the asari.

"Let's get ready." James said, nodding his head over to the lockers. "It's been a long time since we've put on our armor. Choose your guns, I'll see if I can upgrade them really quick. Can't be too careful."

"You two understand the risks, right? There's no going back once you step foot in Rahul's apartment. Even when you get there, what then?" Liara interjected.

"Interrogation, probably." James informed her nonchalantly.

Kaidan and James already started to pull on their armor. Liara pinched the bridge of her nose in disbelief. She tried to talk them out of it the whole time, but the soldier's minds were already made up.

"I guess I'll be communicating with you two every step of the way just like with Diana." Hannah told them, looking over at Liara for approval. Liara snapped her head over to the woman with wide eyes. The asari couldn't believe that she was all right with Kaidan and James going on this risky mission.

"Mrs. Shepard, you can't honestly be-" Liara started.

Hannah raised a hand to shush her. "We'll devise a strategy. These men have experience in the fray, as do I, and you too, Doctor. We can make this work."

Liara bit her lip in thought for a moment. She looked into Hannah's determined eyes and over at Kaidan and James whom were still readying their armor and weapons. Liara sighed, giving in. She nodded at Hannah, closing her eyes solemnly.

"Very well. I'll get everything set up." Liara said, bringing out her omni-tool. "We have a lot to go over before the mission."


End file.
